Tuesday, December 1, 2009

"Unpacking the Male Privilege Jockstrap": the 100 Male Privileges Checklist (2009)

[image is from here

Perhaps this is a man mentally unpacking his male privilege jockstrap. 
It looks like it never occurred to him to do it before now, eh? 

This is a list that was originally part of an earlier post from October 2, 2008, titled "Unpacking the Male Privilege Jockstrap" at which time I expanded a list published by Barry Deutsch. The source for his list (items #1 - 42) is Expository Magazine, Volume 2, Issue 2. Copyright © 2001 - 2002 Barry Deutsch. Permission is granted by him to reproduce this list in any way, for any purpose, so long as the acknowledgment of Peggy McIntosh's work for inspiring this list is not removed*.)
*In 1990, Wellesley College professor Peggy McIntosh wrote an essay called "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack". McIntosh observes that whites in the U.S. are "taught to see racism only in individual acts of meanness, not in invisible systems conferring dominance on my group." To illustrate these invisible systems, McIntosh wrote a list of 26 invisible privileges whites benefit from.

As McIntosh points out, men also tend to be unaware of their own privileges as men. In the spirit of McIntosh's essay, I thought I'd compile a list similar to McIntosh's, focusing on the invisible privileges benefiting men.
Since I first compiled it, the list has been posted several times on Internet discussion groups. Very helpfully, many people have suggested additions to the checklist. More commonly, of course, critics (usually, but not always, male) have pointed out men have disadvantages too - being drafted into the army, being expected to suppress emotions, and so on. These are indeed bad things - but I never claimed that life for men is all ice cream sundaes. Pointing out that men are privileged in no way denies that sometimes bad things happen to men. -- Barry Deutsch
*          *          *


Unpacking the Male Privilege Jockstrap: 
the 100 Male Privileges Checklist

An unabashed imitation of an article, White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack, by Peggy McIntosh which inspired Barry Deutsch and company to write items 1 - 42. I have since added commentary in brackets. I then wrote #43 - 100. -- Julian Real. Copyright © 2008, 2009. All rights reserved. No duplication or transmission of this material is permitted without crediting the author, reproducing it as written here in whole, unaltered, and linking back to this web page.

1. My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favour. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed. [However, men who appear to come from poverty or the working class are much more likely to be turned away from a prestigious job than a middle class or wealthier-appearing man.]

2. I can be confident that my co-workers won't think I got my job because of my sex - even though that might be true. [This is far more true for white men than for many men of color.]

3. If I am never promoted, it's not because of my sex. [But may well be due to my race or ethnicity, if I'm not white.]

4. If I fail in my job or career, I can feel sure this won't be seen as a black mark against my entire sex's capabilities. ["Black mark" is part of racist speech. Black Monday, black mark, black sheep of the family: all generate negative associations with blackness and Blackness. See Dreaming The Dark, by Starhawk, for more on this.]

5. The odds of my encountering sexual harassment on the job are so low as to be negligible. [This is much more likely to be the case for men perceived to be heterosexual.]

6. If I do the same task as a woman, and if the measurement is at all subjective, chances are people will think I did a better job.

7. If I'm a teen or adult, and if I can stay out of prison, my odds of being raped are so low as to be negligible. [This is really only true of non-incarcated heterosexual men, not non-incarcerated gay men. Date and spousal rape among gay men is not negligable. And anti-gay rape, as a form of queer-bashing by heterosexual men, happens more than negligably. The salient point about rape is that when it happens to women by men it is part of a larger system of gender-based (male supremacist) terrorism and subordination, particularly when it occurs within one ethnic group. It is part of gynocide. And it is also a vicious part of a larger white Western male supremacist practice of gynocidal/genocidal atrocity against women of color globally, including within the U.S. Put simply, heterosexual men are not likely to experience rape and when they do it's anecdotal, not systematised and institutioalised as natural and normal.]

8. I am not taught to fear walking alone after dark in average public spaces. [White supremacist men do teach their children to fear people of color, day and night. And men of color are at risk of violence when in all-white areas at night; often the perpetrators are police officers, whose job it is to maintain the white male supremacist status quo.]

9. If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be called into question. [This is primarily true of heterosexual men: childless men who are misperceived as gay are having their masculinity called into question on many fronts, including when we do not have children.]

10. If I have children but do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be called into question.

11. If I have children and provide primary care for them, I'll be praised for extraordinary parenting if I'm even marginally competent.

12. If I have children and pursue a career, no one will think I'm selfish for not staying at home.

13. If I seek political office, my relationship with my children, or who I hire to take care of them, will probably not be scrutinized by the press.

14. Chances are my elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious and powerful the elected position, the more likely this is to be true. [Truer of Christian, white, heterosexually-identified men than any other men, in the West.]

15. I can be somewhat sure that if I ask to see "the person in charge," I will face a person of my own sex. The higher-up in the organization the person is, the surer I can be. [It is also true that the higher up in business organizations one goes, the more likely any man is to encounter a white man as boss.]

16. As a child, chances are I was encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters.

17. As a child, I could choose from an almost infinite variety of children's media featuring positive, active, non-stereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male heroes were the default. [This exclusively applies to white heterosexual men.]

18. As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often.

19. If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether or not it has sexist overtones. [This is to say, what I experience socially is never part of a system of subordination against me--and my sex-class--by another gendered group.]

20. I can turn on the television or glance at the front page of the newspaper and see people of my own sex widely represented, every day, without exception. [This holds true primarily if I'm a white, middle class, heterosexual man. Poor men (and women) have little to no media representation.]

21. If I'm careless with my financial affairs it won't be attributed to my sex. [I think this applies primarily to wealthier men, disproportionately white.]

22. If I'm careless with my driving it won't be attributed to my sex.

23. I can speak in public to a large group without putting my sex on trial.

24. If I have sex with a lot of people, it won't make me an object of contempt or derision. [This is much more true of heterosexual men than of gay men.]

25. There are value-neutral clothing choices available to me; it is possible for me to choose clothing that doesn't send any particular message to the world. [I question this: I think so-called "male attire" does send plenty of messages. More later.]

26. My wardrobe and grooming are relatively cheap and consume little time. [This warrants unpacking. More later.]

27. If I buy a new car, chances are I'll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car. [The same is true of buying a used car.]

28. If I'm not conventionally attractive, the disadvantages are relatively small and easy to ignore. [My sex is not overtly coerced by media and other social forces to be "beautiful" as defined by racist, capitalist, misogynist media. And butch women of any sexual orientation have virtually no presence, positive depiction, or meaningful representation in mass media. Butch men are a staple of mainstream media.]

29. I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch. [More on this later.]

30. I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called "crime" and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called "domestic violence" or "acquaintance rape," and is seen as a special interest issue.) [This is not especially true for poor men, however.]

31. I can be confident that the ordinary language of day-to-day existence will always include my sex. "All men are created equal…," mailman, chairman, freshman, he. [And I will not be asked to "get used to it" or made to translate when reading literature or other reading materials which use sexist pronouns and professional terms.]

32. My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is. [And I am not considered to be "dirty" or "gross" during certain portions of the month or year, because of physiological processes that happen to many among my sex.]

33. I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don't change my name.

34. The decision to hire me will never be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon.

35. Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is usually pictured as being male. [And, just as ridiculously and oppressively, also white, and also straight.]

36. Most major religions argue that [if heterosexually involved in a primary relationship] I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me. [And this is grossly heterosexist as well as misogynist and misopedic.]

37. If I have a wife or girlfriend, chances are we'll divide up household chores so that she does most of the labour, and in particular the most repetitive and unrewarding tasks.

38. If I have children with a wife or girlfriend, chances are she'll do most of the childrearing, and in particular the most dirty, repetitive and unrewarding parts of childrearing.

39. If I have children with a wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we'll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.

40. Magazines, billboards, television, movies, pornography, and virtually all of media are filled with images of scantily clad women intended to appeal to me [, a heterosexual man,] sexually. Such images of [heterosexual] men exist, but are much rarer.

41. I am not expected to spend my entire life 20-40 pounds underweight. [And a weight gain or loss of a few pounds doesn't become fodder for social discussion.]

42. If I am heterosexual, it's incredibly unlikely that I'll ever be beaten up by a spouse or lover.

43. I have the privilege of being unaware of my male privilege.


On we go with the "Unpacking The Male Privilege Jockstrap" list, begun on October 2, 2008.

44. I can use curse words publicly and be less negatively judged, due to my sex, if I appear to be a man.

45. In addition to being aggressive, I can be irritable, moody, temperamental, sullen, non-responsive, reactive, angry, outraged, unpleasant, not deferential, unkind, insensitive, inconsiderate, rude, combative, dominating, overbearing, critical, assertive, and many more ways of being human, without being called misogynist terms, including "the b word" and "the c word".

46. If perceived as male, I can, without social critique, only wear what is termed "male-appropriate" attire.

47. I do not have to ever wear high heeled shoes, not counting "cowboy boots".

48. I can attend many fancy or formal gatherings in the same outfit, without anyone either noticing, or commenting about it critically.

49. If I attend special events, I don't need to be concerned about whether I should do something different with my hair.

50. I will be not be likely to be called misogynist terms if I my hair is unkempt.

51. I will not be judged solely due to my sex for having body odor. [I may, however, be solely judged by my race or class, if a man or woman.]

52. I can live in a capitalist society in which no advertising exists to sell me products to make my crotch smell "meadow fresh".

53. Ads geared toward my crotch have nothing whatsoever to do with hygiene, as if men's crotches don't smell gross. And the ads that are in mass media, aimed at my crotch, basically want to be sure I can piss well and can penetrate women at any time with my penis. Or feel as much sensation as I can while doing so while wearing a condom. So, according to media, women's crotches = something in need of cleaning AND penetrating. Men's crotches are presumed to be clean and are only supposed to be used for pissing and for penetrating women's crotches.

54. Especially if white and not poor, I am considered human without qualification.

55. Human rights laws are written with me in mind, more than my female counterpart.

56. Unless I have post-traumatic stress disorder from sexual assault, I am not likely to be frightened and startled if a man suddenly comes up next to me on the street or road.

57. As a pedestrian, I do not have the unrelenting, dehumanising experience of heterosexual men regularly offering to let me to walk on by so they can check out my ass.

58. David Letterman and Jay Leno, among other night-time talk show hosts, are not likely to discuss and point out my body parts and gender as a major topic of conversation.

59. If an athlete, a scholar, a sports car racer, a mechanic, a plumber, a farmer, or an activist (among many professions and endeavors seen as "primarily for men", I am not likely to be told "but he's also very masculine" elsewhere in his life.

60. I do not have a letter or gender identifier in the TV Guide before my sport, such as women do: the WMBA, Women's Tennis, Women's Golf.

61. Pursuing a life in team sports is something that is seen as a reasonable and healthy human pursuit, if I'm a boy or man.

62. I do not generally have my ass grabbed by strange men.

63. Especially if not a teenager, I do not usually have cars pull over, assuming I'm a prostitute, whether or not I am.

64. I can strip in a club and have it be seen as fun, not sleazy.

65. I can pretend my sex does more work each day than women do, and honestly believe it.

66. I can lingeringly embrace a woman in public while kissing her without fear of being beaten up or killed.

67. I can live with a woman as a life partner, or with several women consecutively in a series of flings, without fearing being beaten up or killed precisely for that reason.

68. It is not assumed that I exist for the purpose of bringing human life into this world.

69. It is not assumed I am "for" men.

70. The penetration of various orifices of my body by a penis will likely be socially understood as criminal or immoral acts that harm my dignity and social status, regardless of what they mean to me or how I experience them.

71. If heterosexual, I can go through life without my body being penetrated by a penis, and without ejaculate being dispensed on my face or other areas of my body.

72. Especially if heterosexual, the terms "ho", "whore", and "slut" (in various languages) are not associated with my gender.

73. My gender is equated with being human, especially if I'm white.

74. If white, what my sex produces creatively in writing or visual media will have a much better chance of being shown in art galleries, published, or held in museums and acclaimed in textbooks as "great" work.

75. What I write will not be dissected and analysed in the mass media based on my sex by those of my sex.

76. When I speak, it is assumed I speak with some authority, no matter what I know or don't know.

77. When I enter a room where the public circulates, such as a bar, club, college classroom, or restaurant, I do not generally have men nudge their male friends and indicate verbally or non-verbally that "you should check that person out", in an objectifying and degrading way, while continuing to stare at me with no regard or understanding of how that could make me feel.

78. I am not usually approached on the street by strangers who want my phone number, for the ulterior purposes of wanting to f*ck me.

79. My outer clothes are not fashioned so that the rape of my lower body is easily accomplished.

80. My life partner does not expect me or usually want me to have a variety of kinds of underwear, for special occasions.

81. I don't have to shave my armpits or legs ever, for any social occasion.

82. I don't have to shave my face to be seen as "more appropriately like those of my sex".

83. I don't have to wear make-up to "make myself look better", or to feel better about my appearance.

84. I don't ever have to own or use tweezers.

85. I can wear the same exact clothes several days consecutively without many people noticing or caring.

86. I don't have to fear white men coming onto my people's Native land to rape me.

87. If white, I can rape many women, including women I have owned as slaves, and go down in history as a great and honorable person. (I can also be the creator of female sexual slavery, the rape and trafficking of Indigenous girls and women from the "New World" to Europe and have my name be a national holiday: Columbus Day.)

88. If I am a white and Christian man, I can see myself reflected in every U.S. president and vice president to date, as of October, 2008.

89. I can, without question or concern, use human beings as prostitutes, whether or not they are prostitutes, and believe it's my right to do so and that no one is harmed by me doing so.

90. As a U.S. white man, I can travel to Third World countries and sexually assault children and women with relative ease and impunity, assuming I have the money for the trip.

91. Most especially if white, I can do almost any crime at all and get away with it most of the time.

92. People assume my violence and aggression is natural to my sex.

93. Generally speaking, almost the entire population of my sex-class assumes that violating women and girls visually is either natural, desirable, acceptable, or should be in no way illegal.

94. Books are written which argue that my impulses to rape and cheat on my spouse are genetic or natural, not social and cultural.

95. Among my male friends, I can speak with relative ease about the fact that I am horny without anyone attaching a negative term for what that is.

96. When around men who call me friend, I can joke about criminally sexually assaulting "the other sex", or can brag after having done so, usually without anyone calling me out for being a hater of that "other" gender.

97. I can be an activist for rights for my gender without being seen as a destroyer of the family.

98. If I speak out regularly on behalf of my gender, about how the other sex systematically mistreats us, that is seen as valid, not a form of delusion or "hysteria".

99. I can hate the other sex my whole life and not have that be challenged by members of my own sex.

100. I do not have to fight for and with the people of my gender, locally, regionally, nationally, and worldwide, for the opportunity to be seen as human beings of intelligence, humor, and accomplishment rather than as sex-things for men to exploit.


Blinded by the White: And Flesh-colored is WHAT color?

APTOPIX Obama US India
With thanks to lisa over at Sociological Images, a great blog/image site I just found. Click on the blogpost's title just below for the rest of lisa's commentary. There are some other awful examples there of this "blinded by the white" reporting and racism in advertising.

Stunning Example of the Neutrality of Whiteness

The Associated Press, a news service subscribed to by news outlets all over the world, distributed a story about the first Obama Administration State Dinner. In the story, sent in by Elisabeth R., Samantha Critchell describes Michelle Obama’s dress as “flesh-colored.” She writes:
First lady Michelle Obama chose to wear a gleaming silver-sequined, flesh-colored gown Tuesday night to the first state dinner held by her husband’s administration.
Gee, what could possibly be wrong with calling this dress “flesh-colored”?
______________________
I just want to cross-post EVERYTHING from that blog. Check it out!!! -- Julian

How Not to Write About Africa, by Binyavanga Wainaina

Narrated by Djimon Hounsou:
 
Thank you Binyavanga, for writing this!! And thank you Djimon, for narrating this important short video on the ridiculousness of how non-Africanists speak and write about one continent with many diverse nations and even more diverse human cultures and languages. Kind of like North America and Australia, except with way more nations and way less stigma.

In addition to the little white girl in the opening image, I hope all adult whites are also listening and are taking careful notes.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Jerryell Myesha Foster of Baltimore is missing: will you get this news from any national media?


Jerryell Myesha Foster of Baltimore was last seen Tuesday November 24 2009 at approximately 8:20p.m.

Thank you to La Reyna's blogpost for alerting me to this latest missing person. As has been noted many places, if you're not white, don't expect to get national media attention if you disappear. It's not just racism, folks, it's misogyny too, and classism too when dealing with poor and working class missing women.

It is horrifying that girls and women of color go missing every day in the U.S., and are not reported on by major news media. That means they any girl or woman who disappears is less likely to be found, is less likely to survive, and is less likely to know, while missing, that people are out there caring about what happened to her!

See also: http://www.letstalkhonestly.com/missingblackwomen.html, for more information about other missing Black women; it is at that site that I found the photo above. Lorde knows you won't hear about these women in the dominant WHMS media. I pray for Jerryell's safety and the safety and well-being of all the women who are missing.

Deepa D.'s blogpost titled "I Didn't Dream of Dragons"

From: Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein, Yeh Khayal Aata Hai...,  Deepa D.'s blog 

Link to: I Didn’t Dream of Dragons, by Deepa D.
An excerpt:

The Western publishing industry has the luxury of being able to support the base camps of crappy first novels and cliché-ridden genre fiction hacks and niche-marketed speciality books that creates the momentum for the breakout book, the genius author. If you grow up in a country where every child has held a crayon in nursery school, you are at an advantage.

And just to make it absolutely clear—the Western publishing advantage was derived from the economic wealth those nations enjoyed by virtue of stripping the resources and talents of other peoples. I do not consider it an accident of fate that it is in America that the art of children’s picture books evolved (which I consider one of America’s most exquisite cultural gifts to the world). These books, printed in China on paper from Brazil—they cost (when they are imported at all) more than a full length Penguin Classic in an Indian bookstore. The books available in one fourth grade classroom at a low-income Minneapolis charter school where I have worked outnumber the entirety of books my private primary school in Delhi made available to me (And I reiterate, I am nothing but privileged in India). Remember on whose backs the resources for your public libraries were built.
*     *     *
Part of my own education as a prowomanist/profeminist is in listening to the voices of women around the world, and the voices of women of color who are familiar with cultures, places, nations, and experiences that I do not know anything about. To the contrary, what I know about them may have been sugar-spoon fed to me by Disney, which does many things well--telling the truth is not one of them. 

I welcome you to click over and read this essay on one woman's reflections on the harm of cultural-political colonialism by the West. And also to read the comments. I have only today found her blog, and greatly appreciate the comment posting policy she has, the first statements of which read as follows:
Hello, and welcome to my public blog. I post very sporadically, and use this blog as an idiosyncratic soapbox, so don't be surprised by extremely long silences, even on issues on which you might expect me to voice an opinion.

I expect people to behave with civility towards each other and me while conversing in comments, but I am ok with rigourous debate, as long as I feel that participants are commenting in good faith.

My journal must be a safe space for persons of colour/non-white/chromatic people, and no racist, misogynist, homophobic, ageist, casteist, communalist, ablist, or otherwise discriminatory language or opinions will be tolerated. Repeated voicing of problematic arguments after your ignorance or bias has been pointed out will be ground for banning.
I may write to her to thank her for all that she is doing with her blog, however sporadically she is doing it!

Sympathy for The Devil: The Political Function of Caring More about White Men than Everyone Else


[image of album cover is from here. NOTE: Slaine is not a feminist or profeminist band. They are an entirely white male Swiss hardcore band who pride themselves on not being political. (That they don't see how being european white non-Jewish, heterosexual men is political is not surprising.)
To see what the musicians look like, go here.
And let's see if the US and UK MRAs go after them for slander!]

Given some recent exchanges here on the blog with two women about bdsm and my sexism, I'd like to clarify something.

I am VERY critical of male procurers and prostituters of women, and of pimps and pornographers, and of rapists and batterers and various white male predators and perpetrators of sexism and racism, men who think tying up women in order to have sex is "fun" and "good", men who believe that women's agency exists in a context where there is no white male supremacist force ubiquitously woven into society, and of men who don't do a damn thing about rapism and racist patriarchal atrocities.

That should not be interpreted to mean I generally feel critical of women in pornography and other systems of prositution, women who are raped, beaten, stalked, harassed, or who enjoy "bondage" or other bdsm activities.

I am critical of the cosmetics industry, but not of women who wear make-up. I am critical of capitalism, but not of shoppers. I think McDonalds Corporation is evil--racist and classist--and is part of an atrocity against poor urban people; it mass produces and sells cheap "food" creating cardio-vascular disease without remorse--but I'm not critical of people who eat at McDonalds. I'm critical of Big Tobacco, but not of individual smokers, unless they blow cigarette smoke in my face.

I may not always be clear about those distinctions, and was especially unclear about them in my exchange with a woman who is into bdsm. I felt and was critical of her points of view that stated that if consent is present, whatever happens between two adults cannot be abuse. I disagree. And the ways I was critical were, in attitude and action, sexist (oppressive to that woman), as well as triggering for another woman here due to me being yet another white man who was telling a white woman "what the truth is". I address and attempt to make amends for all that at this post.

I unequivocally hold the view that men who want to degrade women, in order to have sex or for any other reason, ought to be called out as being sexist/racist pricks. That doesn't mean I think women who want men to constrain or degrade them ought to be called out. I hope the ethical and political distinction is clear.

All that being said...

So there's this guy I don't even know. His name is Simon. (I have since found out he's white, is not poor, is not Jewish or Muslim, was raised Catholic but is now an atheist, and is not gay. This is to say, he has a ton of privilege.) He's on my chat list, so we must have connected about something once upon a time. I just checked. He wrote a comment to this blog asking for my email address. I wrote to him asking what's on your mind? and he replied that he's working with a CNN political analyst, Leslie Sanchez, on a book: He said in the email that [the title of the book is] "You've Come A Long Way, Maybe," and has some fairly in-depth statistical analysis of how Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Sarah Palin were portrayed in the media and how the national narrative was created about them during the 2008 election. He asked if I wanted a copy of the book. I said thanks, but I'll get it from the library. (Honestly, I probably won't. Matters relating primarily to dominant U.S. electoral politics bore me, and I don't expect much from the U.S. Republicrats, including President Barack Obama, or Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. They're all pro-capitalist, pro-military, pro-white male supremacy, pro-genocide activists who won't even try and do anything to end rape or racism.)

So that's how Simon and I met. And this is what has transpired between us just very recently:

In trying to place him I found his blog and this post:
http://bloggasm.com/craigslist-post-of-hte-day, which I find utterly disturbing. What I also found disturbing is how this male supremacist/stalker/rapism behavior is just mentioned so casually, as if "hey, here's something else that's f*cked up that's going on" without any sense of need to do anything about it. Like it's all just one big TV show, and we're all only viewers, passive and uncritical. I don't expect anything different from him, and know I have no relationship to him to use as leverage in getting him to look at this stuff more closely, more critically. So I didn't even feel angry with him while chatting. Just sort of sad and discouraged... he's yet another white het man who "doesn't get it". Add his name to the long, long list.

I'll post the content and comments below, because it is also a warning, a reminder, that men, anywhere in any public space, can and do physically violate and stalk women, in this case after leaving a movie theatre. (I personally, due to women friends and I not going to movies at theatres any more, forgot about this form of misogynistic, extremely predatory behavior.) 

***IT WILL LIKELY TRIGGER ANYONE*** who has been followed or stalked or had their personal space and property invaded by some strange man and may be very upsetting to anyone with a woman-centered soul. If you wish, you can skip reading the blogpost from Bloggasm, and just read my paragraph just below, and then what follows the blogpost copied and pasted below that.

Below the post is a chat I engaged him in (based on me reading that blogpost), on this and related subjects. It reveals a lot about how normal U.S. heterosexual white men feel about their own responsibilities to end rape, to even do anything at all about it. And it reveals a troubling, delusional and extremely self-serving code of ethics. It demonstrates a value system that, in my view, is dangerous in its ethical vapidity and "Good German" attitude and behavior. If you read on, you'll see what I mean. And feel free to skip the upsetting blogpost, and just go to the chat exchange.

Here's Simon's blogpost content. ("Bloggasm" is the name of his blog. No comment.):

Craigslist post of the day

New Moon midnight showing – m4w – 27 (Fargo, ND)
i sat behind you at he midnight showing of New Moon last night. Me: medium height, dark hair, long nails, mysterious. You: straight long blond hair, full ruby lips, you were wearing black cargo pants and a twilight hoodie. as your hair draped down behind your seat i just has to hold it and smell it deeply(pantene. great choice). i dont remember much ov the movie but i will always remember the smell and texture of your hair. the way you sound when you whisper and laugh. after the movie i followed you and your friend to perkin’s. i waited outside in my car so i could watch you eat and smile. i followed you home and made sure you got there safely.i noticed you left you car unlocked so i went to have a look into your life. i can tell by looking in your car that we have a lot in common. if you want your dash ornaments back you will have to meet me and we can have a great time getting to know each other. “grin”
Follow me on Twitter

2 Comments

  1. sara Says:
    Just like Edward. ;)
  2. Matt Osborne Says:
    “I’d like mine extra creepy…”
  3. Julian Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    Why don’t men call this shit out for what it is? Rapism.
    It’s only because men allow each other to do this shit, to stalk, to talk pornographically about women, to believe in and support one another’s right to have 24/7 access to raped women’s bodies online, to disrespect women in humor and in relationships… need I go on? It’s due to all that and more that men will never really be anything other than boys who don’t have the courage or the will to challenge other men’s fucked up behavior towards women.
As soon as I posted the comment I saw that he was online and thought I'd ask him directly what the deal is with men, from his perspective. This is what followed in chat:


me:  hey simon.
 Simon:  hey
 me:  i just posted to a blog post on the latest shit off craigslist.
i am wondering: why don't men call one another out on this stuff. Why does it all just sort of go by unchallenged?
I recently posted about this on my blog, and it's really perplexing, but I wanted to actually ask a man I respect.
 Simon:  i don't see the post
[...]

 me: hold on... i'll go grab the url...
 Sent at 8:57 PM on Sunday
 Simon:  i don't see anything about craigslist
 me:  No, my post precedes yours chronologically.
I'm asking what you think is up with men not calling one another out on this stuff?
 Sent at 8:59 PM on Sunday
 Simon:  on sexual fantasies that are degrading to women/
 Sent at 9:01 PM on Sunday
 me:  On sexual behavior that is violating and abusive to women... like what that guy wrote about smelling that woman's hair, following her, taking shit out of her car... and the guys I write about in my post.. who think abusing women sexually is fine as long as it's "consensual"... what's up with this? What's your own take on why men don't call each other out on this?
(I'm not talking fantasy at all: I'm talking REALITY)
 Simon:  i mean, i think all men and women universally think what that guy did was creepy
 me:  Yeah, let's hope so, but there's so rarely any commentary about it.
 Simon:  as for consensual role playing, I don't have much of an opinion
 me:  It all just gets tossed about as if it's sort of "creepy but normal" and men have nothing to say about it, critically, i mean.
 Simon:  i've read feminist arguments that women should deny their own rape fantasies because on principle it's wrong
 me:  Do you think, personally, that if a woman wants to be mistreated during sex, that it is ok for a man to mistreat her? Or that if he wants to bind her and hit her in the face, that if she doesn't leave or object that that's ok to do?
(I'm trying to tap men's minds on this... and you're the man I found online!!)
 Simon:  i suppose
have you ever seen the documentary Sick: The Life & Death of Bob Flannigan?
 me:  No. thanks for the link... checking it out....
(Have you ever seen Dreamworlds II, b[y] Sut Jhally?)
 Simon:  excellent documentary, explores some of these issues from a particularly unique perspective
 me:  Oh, so some self-exploitation flick on some guy into being "dominated" sexually by women?
So it is really critical of men's fucked up behavior towards women?
 Simon:  yeah, but at the time he was one of the oldest living people with Cystic fibrosis
 me:  (The cover image doesn't make it sound too serious a film.)
And into being abused sexually?
 Simon:  and the S&M is the only control he has over the pain he has, it becomse a form of therapy in terms of dealign with his disease
 me:  lemme send ya the link on Dreamworlds II, ok?
I think it may actually be viewable in parts online.
I'd be interested to know your take on that film, and what it has to say.
 Simon:  documentary? i might recommend it to my doc club
 me:  Yeah, a doc.
Please do!
And if there's discussion about it--is your doc club online??--I'd be really interested to know what men, especially, have to say about it, as it is a film made to be viewed by heterosexual men, primarily.
 Simon:  it's just a bunch of DC people and we take turns hosting
 me:  Well done. I have some problems with it--like Sut not giving any time to women to critique the material, but...
cool.
Did you just see the one you recommended?
in that doc club?
And have you seen Tarnation?
(One of my fav docs.)
And Darwin's Nightmare?
And Life and Debt?
 Simon:  we saw it a few months ago
 me:  Oh, and Killing Us Softly--the most recent version?
oh
so what's the last doc you've seen with them?
 Simon:  Mr. Death, an Errol morris documentary
 me:  This one would be a great intro to Dreamworlds, as they are both short and could be seen in one night: http://www.mediaed.org/cgi-bin/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=206
I'll go look it up...
 Sent at 9:15 PM on Sunday
 me:  So it's about a neo-Nazi?
(A Nazi Holocaust denier?)
 Simon:  that's the debate, whether he is anti Semitic or whether he happlessly got swept up into their society through no fault of his own
 me:  I see: Documentary about Fred Leuchter, an engineer who became an expert on execution devices and was later hired by revisionist historian Ernst Zundel to "prove" that there were no gas chambers at Auschwitz.
So how does a "Killing Us Softly 3 and Dreamworlds II" double feature sound?
Just a suggestion, given what we were discussing earlier.
 Simon:  i can suggest it, the host picks though
 me:  i understand.
Is it pretty evenly split in terms of gender?
And how about sexual orientation?
 Simon:  high ratio of female jews, come to think of it, ha
 me:  (What are the demographics of the group, also with regard to race?)
 Simon:  probably because the main organizer is jewish
 me:  What was their take on the Mr. Death film?
(I'm not assuming one view...)
 Simon:  i think we all had a level of sympathy for the person
 me:  for the denier?
 Simon:  yes
 me:  And does the discussion, do the discussions, ever reach beyond the individual being discussed, to the larger issues... like about anti-Semitism and racism and misogyny?
 Simon:  yeah, especially with a room full of jews
 me:  Are you also Jewish? (I am.)
 Simon:  nope
 Simon:  reared catholic, atheist now
 me:  Anyway, I just wanted to check in about some of this stuff, and hope that the group is up for doing that double feature... the first film, Killing Us Softly 3 is like about a half hour long! And the other is about one hour.
So it would allow time for discussion for sure.
If it happens, lemme know, ok?
And I understand it's not your call, at least this round.
 Simon:  ok
 me:  have a good night.
ttyl
 Simon:  ditto
*     *     *

So here's the thing. Due to liberalism and individualism as well as white heteromale supremacy and corporate capitalism in countries white men dominate and control, these men do not feel in any way responsible for what white men do, as white men, in "our" name. Instead, white men generally feel apathetic, callous, disinterested, and could care LESS about what white men do as a political group, as a political force interpersonally, locally, socially, nationally, institutionally, and internationally. This callousness and lack of regard for how white men oppress and destroy other people makes white het men The Devil, in my view. It's not my view alone. Many Black Nationalists have held this view. Some white women have held this view. Some radical women of color have held this view. Marimba Ani tells you everything you need to know about how such views came into existence in her brilliant book, Yurugu, and I believe that book is a must read for all white men, if white het men want to know what they do, collectively. 


What especially makes white men The Devil is the blatant and unapologetic unwillingness to own what we do, to name what we do, to be responsible about what we do, and to stop what we do. Simon's comments demonstrate this "devil-may-care" attitude perfectly. He really can't be bothered to consider matters of anti-Semitism, white het male supremacy, or misogyny. This issues are simply off his political and emotional radar screen. While his ethnic heritage may go back to the Republic of Ireland or the UK, this lack of compassion for those he structurally oppresses, for those white het men structurally oppress, makes him yet another "Good German/Good Man". Maybe after viewing Killing Us Softly 3 and Dreamworlds 2 he'll begin to think more about what his role is in the atrocities that are done in his name. I hope that's the case. If you're reading this here, Simon, please let me know the effect those two films have on you and other white heterosexual men who see them with you.

Sunday, November 29, 2009