Thursday, January 14, 2010

Why Heterosexual Men Use Prostitutes: it's chilling, to say the least


 Man covering his face with his hands
Photograph was taken by Christina Griffiths/Getty Images/Flickr RM
It depicts one of many UK white heterosexual male procurers of women in systems of prostitution

Seven hundred men were interviewed for the project,
which aimed to find out why men buy sex[ism in the form of procuring women
as if women exist to meet Western privileged straight men's racist,
classist, heterosexist, capitalist, misogynist sexual needs].

Chilling excerpts from what follows:
When asked what would end ­prostitution, one interviewee laughed and said, "Kill all the girls." [...]
The men didn't fall into obvious stereotypes. They were aged between 18 and 70 years old; they were white, black, Asian, eastern European; most were employed and many were ­educated beyond school level. In the main they were presentable, polite, with average-to-good social skills. Many were husbands and boyfriends; just over half were either married or in a relationship with a woman. [...]

Darren was young, good-looking and bright; I asked him how often he thought the women he paid enjoyed the sex. "I don't want them to get any pleasure," he told me. "I am paying for it and it is her job to give me pleasure. If she enjoys it I would feel cheated." I asked if he felt prostitutes were different to other women. "The fact that they're prepared to do that job where others won't, even when they're skint, means there's some capability inside them that permits them to do it and not be disgusted," he said. He seemed full of a festering, potentially explosive misogyny. [...]

Another said that he had "seen women with bruises, cuts and eastern European accents in locations where lots of trafficked women and girls are".

One of the most interesting findings was that many believed men would "need" to rape if they could not pay for sex on demand. One told me, "Sometimes you might rape someone: you can go to a prostitute instead." Another put it like this: "A desperate man who wants sex so bad, he needs sex to be relieved. He might rape." I concluded from this that it's not feminists such as Andrea Dworkin and myself who are responsible for the idea that all men are potential rapists – it's sometimes men themselves.

Although some of the men said they thought the women they bought ­enjoyed the sex, many others admitted that they thought the women would be feeling "disgusted", "miserable", "dirty" and "scared". [One UK man] said he thought the woman might feel "relief that I'm not going to kill her".
 
Most of what is above, including the image, and all that follows, is from *here*.

Why men use prostitutes, by Julie Bindel  
The Guardian, Friday 15 January 2010  
The reasons why many men pay for sex are revealed in the interviews that make up a major new piece of research.
'I don't get anything out of sex with prostitutes except for a bad feeling," says Ben. An apparently average, thirtysomething, middle-class man, Ben had taken an extended lunchbreak from his job in advertising to talk about his experiences of buying sex. Shy and slightly nervous, he told me, "I am hoping that talking about it might help me work out why I do it.

I, too, was hoping to understand his motives better. Ben was one of 700 men interviewed for a major international research project seeking to uncover the reality about men who buy sex. The project spanned six countries, and of the 103 customers we spoke to in London – where I was one of the researchers – most were surprisingly keen to discuss their experiences.

The men didn't fall into obvious stereotypes. They were aged between 18 and 70 years old; they were white, black, Asian, eastern European; most were employed and many were ­educated beyond school level. In the main they were presentable, polite, with average-to-good social skills. Many were husbands and boyfriends; just over half were either married or in a relationship with a woman.

Research published in 2005 found that the numbers of men who pay for sex had doubled in a decade. The ­authors attributed this rise to "a greater acceptability of commercial sexual contact", yet many of our ­interviewees told us that they felt ­intense guilt and shame about paying for sex. "I'm not satisfied in my mind" was how one described his feelings after paying for sex. Another told me that he felt "disappointed – what a waste of money", "lonely still" and "guilty about my relationship with my wife". In fact, many of the men were a mass of contradictions. Despite finding their experiences "unfulfilling, empty, terrible", they continued to visit prostitutes.

I interviewed 12 of the men, and found it a fascinating experience. One told me about his experience of childhood cruelty and neglect and linked this to his inability to form close ­relationships with anyone, particularly women. Alex admitted sex with ­prostitutes made him feel empty, but he had no idea how to get to know women "through the usual routes". When I asked him about his feelings ­towards the women he buys he said that on the one hand, he wants ­prostitutes to get to know and like him and, on the other, he is "not under ­delusions" that the encounters are anything like a real relationship.

"I want my ideal prostitute not to behave like one," he said, "to role-play to be a pretend girlfriend, a casual date, not business-like or mechanical. To a third person it looks like we're in love.

I felt compassion for Alex. No one had shown him how to form a bond with another human being and he was searching for something that commercial sex was never going to provide.

But another of the interviewees left me feeling concerned. Darren was young, good-looking and bright; I asked him how often he thought the women he paid enjoyed the sex. "I don't want them to get any pleasure," he told me. "I am paying for it and it is her job to give me pleasure. If she enjoys it I would feel cheated." I asked if he felt prostitutes were different to other women. "The fact that they're prepared to do that job where others won't, even when they're skint, means there's some capability inside them that permits them to do it and not be disgusted," he said. He seemed full of a festering, potentially explosive misogyny.

When asked what would end ­prostitution, one interviewee laughed and said, "Kill all the girls." Paul told me that it would take "all the men to be locked up". But most of them told the researchers that they would be ­easily deterred if the current laws were implemented. Fines, public ­exposure, employers being informed, being issued with an Asbo or the risk of a criminal record would stop most of the men from continuing to pay for sex. Discovering the women were ­trafficked, pimped or otherwise coerced would appear not to be so ­effective. Almost half said they ­believed that most women in prostitution are victims of pimps ("the pimp does the ­psychological raping of the woman," explained one). But they still continued to visit them.

An upcoming new law will make it illegal for men to pay for sex with a trafficked or pimped woman – and a punter's ignorance of a woman's ­circumstances will be no defence. Critics have suggested that this is ­unfair, that a man can't possibly know whether a woman is being exploited. Our interviews challenged this ­notion. The men knew, to some extent, about abuse and coercion in prostitution – they weren't operating under the ­convenient illusion that women enter the trade because they love sex. More than half admitted that they either knew or believed that a majority of women in prostitution were lured, tricked or trafficked.

More than one third said they thought the prostitutes they visited had been trafficked to London from another country, and a small number said they suspected that they had ­encountered a trafficking victim based on the woman's inability to speak the local language or on how young or vulnerable they appeared. "I could tell she was new to the country," said one man. "To be new in a country and be a prostitute – it can't be a choice . . . She looked troubled."

Another said that he had "seen women with bruises, cuts and eastern European accents in locations where lots of trafficked women and girls are". One man suspected that an African woman he had met was ­trafficked ­because "she was frightened and ­nervous. She told me she had been tricked. I had sex with her and she seemed fine with the sex. She asked me to help her, but I said there was little I could do. She might have been lying to me."

One of the most interesting findings was that many believed men would "need" to rape if they could not pay for sex on demand. One told me, "Sometimes you might rape someone: you can go to a prostitute instead." Another put it like this: "A desperate man who wants sex so bad, he needs sex to be relieved. He might rape." I concluded from this that it's not feminists such as Andrea Dworkin and myself who are responsible for the idea that all men are potential rapists – it's sometimes men themselves.

Half of the interviewees had bought sex outside of the UK, mostly in Amsterdam, and visiting an area where prostitution is legal or openly advertised had given them a renewed dedication to buying sex when they returned to the UK. Almost half said that they first paid for sex when they were below the age of 21. "Dad took me and my older brother," said David. "He paid. Maybe he wanted to make sure we weren't gay. We went to a brothel. Dad didn't do it, and I don't think he told my mum."

Another man paid for sex during a stag trip to Thailand with eight of his friends. He was disappointed. "It was a Russian girl, it wasn't the ­escort experience. She didn't want to talk, just lay on the bed and wanted to do the [sex] act only."

Many men seemed to want a real relationship with a woman and were disappointed when this didn't develop: "It's just a sex act, no emotion. Be prepared to accept this or don't go at all. It's not a wife or girlfriend." ­Others were clear that they paid for sex in order to be able to totally control the encounter, including Bob, who said, "Look, men pay for women because he can have whatever and whoever he wants. Lots of men go to prostitutes so they can do things to them that real women would not put up with."

Although some of the men said they thought the women they bought ­enjoyed the sex, many others admitted that they thought the women would be feeling "disgusted", "miserable", "dirty" and "scared". Ahmed said he thought the woman might feel "relief that I'm not going to kill her".

Only 6% of the men we spoke to had been arrested for soliciting ­prostitutes. "Deterrents would only work if ­enforced," said one. "Any negative would make you reconsider. The law's not enforced now, but if any negative thing happened as a consequence it would deter me." Perhaps the new law will make Albert think twice about paying for sex. He told me, "If I'd get in trouble for doing it, I wouldn't do it. In this country, the police are fine with men visiting prostitutes." 

All names have been changed [to protect the guilty]. Why do you think men pay for sex? Do you think more should be done to stop them? Email your views to women@guardian.co.uk or write to Women, The Guardian, Kings Place, London N1 9GU

    How to Assist the Survivors of the Haiti Earthquake, from The Feminist Texican

    All that follows is from *here* @ The Feminist Texican. Thank you SO MUCH, Melissa, for compiling all of this!!!!! <3

    Wednesday Link Love: Helping Haiti


    I’ll keep updating as I go along.  If you know of any fundraising events, donation drives, or volunteer opportunities in your area (or anywhere else), please email me, DM me on Twitter, or leave it in the comments and I’ll add it to the list.  Thanks!
    Stay Updated
    Learn More
    Text your Donation

    Fundraising Events
    • Vegan bake sales (Portland, NY, LA, SF, DC): See details at the link
    • DC Vegetarian (Portland) donating all tips to Mercy Corps on Jan. 14
    • Hip Hop and Rock for Haiti Earthquake Survivors Churchills, 5501 NE 2nd Ave. (Miami), 305-761-6843 or 305-467-2087 .  Sponsored by United Nations Association of Greater Miami: Local hip-hop artists and rock bands will join with South Florida social justice and interfaith organizations to raise funds for Haiti. There will also be blood donation vehicles.
    • The Write Side Poets Cafe (Miami), Friday, January 15, at 8:00pm, 305-297-9247. Accepted donated items: clothing, food, water, supplies, medical supplies, etc.
    Donate to orgs sending emergency response teams
    Donate to orgs sending emergency aid (money, supplies, etc.)

    Donate to orgs based in/focused on Haiti
    Drop-off sites

    Juárez/U.S. Sexist Slavery and Misogynist Murder: Maria's exclusive report from Channel 4

    A horror. What else can this be called? A gynocidal (normalised) horror: one among hundreds across the globe. This is a report weaving together poverty caused by anti-Indigenous genocidal Western patriarchal civilisation that devalues all female human beings, government corruption, racist U.S. policies on drug and armament trafficking, men's gangs that are a result of all of the above, heterosexist men's entitlements to have access to women and girls, including to sexually abuse them and murder them without any accountability or consequence to the procuring purchasers or misogynist murderers. This is a story that plays our across the globe, of Western white men's civilisation and its weapons of mass destruction fueling the destruction of female human beings who are treated worse than things.


    This is not a report about "missing children" exactly. That title invisibilises this as a gynocidal atrocity, for it is girls and women who are being sold into sexual slavery/prostitution to men. Girls and women, vastly and disproportionately are "the disappeared", the raped, and the murdered. 


    One girl who escaped this horror alive speaks out.She is called "Maria".

    Note: media always makes certain kinds of appeals to its audience which invariably utilise culturally specific terms. An Anglo-centric term is used in the written version of the report below the video to follow, so that Maria is saying "mummy" instead of "mommy". This is obviously done to appeal to a UK audience, for whom "mummy" has particular emotional resonance. But let's be clear: no Mexican or Chicana/o child calls their mother "mummy" unless they have been raised by white Brits. So I have replaced the term in the written report, in brackets. All that follows is from *here*. I have added or changed some words in the text, all in brackets. 

    Please wait for the video to load.


    Mexico missing children - exclusive report
    Updated on 11 January 2010
    A Mexican girl who was held captive by human traffickers and later managed to escape tells Channel 4 News how she witnessed babies and children being "sold to order" to American citizens.The Department of Homeland Security in Washington DC says the girl, known only as Maria, had "significant information" and possessed a "remarkable memory" of her experiences inside the gang.

    In a chilling interview with Channel 4 News the teenager tells of a cross-border trade in babies and young children, where [Juárez] Mexican and [Southwestern] US gangs worked together to supply a demand [to and for predominantly white heterosexual men] in the United States.

    Her interview with the programme has prompted US authorities to launch a criminal investigation and in late December agents flew the teenager to the United States for a full interview after Channel 4 News alerted authorities.

    Maria was 16-years-old when she was lured into the gang by a young man on the streets of the deadly Mexican border town of Ciudad Juarez.

    Since the 1990s thousands of women have disappeared from the town, and hundreds of bodies bearing signs of rape and sexual mutilation were dumped on waste ground in the city.

    Thousands more have never returned.

    Despite international coverage of the story including a film starring Jennifer Lopez, the disappearances continue.

    In 2009, 55 teenage girls vanished in the town, which has been gripped by violence as two drug cartels fight a lethal turf war for cocaine smuggling routes to America.

    Whilst investigating the fate of the missing girls Channel 4 News correspondent Nick Martin and producer Guillermo Galdos discovered Maria and carried out the interview whilst she was in hiding.

    Few girls return after going missing and Maria's interview sheds light on the fate of so many in her position.
    She said she had been given presents and promised a job in an office by the gang member but was instead drugged and raped and sold to men. She explained what the gang did to one girl who tried to escape.

    "They took a gallon of gasoline and started pouring it over her," said Maria.

    "One of the men told me 'if you don't do as I say I will do the same to you'. I wanted to look away - but they didn't let me.

    "Even though the girl was on fire they kept hitting her. They were laughing as if they were enjoying what they were doing.

    "They burnt her alive."

    Maria, which is not her real name, said the gang held young women in a house on the Mexican border until they were sold to the US as sex slaves. But she said they also dealt in children and told of on one occasion when the gang was contacted by a woman in New York.

    "She called and was very angry. She said she needed a seven-year-old girl and a nine-year-old boy - and she needed them in three days."

    Maria told Special Agents that the gang would prowl the streets of poor areas and look for children.

    "They stole the children," she said. "One of the gang members took a six-year-old kid. I had to look after him for three hours. He told me he wanted to see his [mommy].

    "Then I started crying, I said: "I don't think you're ever going to see your [mommy] again." All he kept saying was I want to see my [mommy]."

    US officials have a keen interest in this case. As a result of the interview US officials have begun investigating along with the Mexican authorities.

    Maria, who managed to escape after a gang member left her alone in a house, says children were often around. But not for long.

    "I saw the Americans taking kids," she said. "A four-year-old and another boy, he barely walked, he was only about two years old. They took them to New York."

    The US State Department estimates that more than 20,000 young women and children are trafficked across the border from Mexico each year. But conviction rates remain low.

    Mexico's Attorney General Arturo Chavez has been accused of not doing enough to bring human traffickers to justice but insisted it was an issue the country was "definitely focussing on."

    Maria has been told that she could have to give evidence against the gang of they are caught. It is something she says she is determined to do.

    "Women are sold, they are abducted, bought and even killed by these men. If these men are ever found, jail won't be enough to make them pay for the way they've made us feel."