Showing posts with label transgender experience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transgender experience. Show all posts

Monday, November 2, 2015

'Other' Black Lives Matter


Photo of the leaders of Black Lives Matter, Alicia Garza (left), 
Opal Tometi (center) and Patrisse Cullors (right) is from here


In a recent exchange with S Baldwin, here on the blog, SB pointed out that in addition to Black men's lives, and those of Black male youth, there are other lives that also don't matter as far as mainstream media outlets are concerned: those of Black women and Black girls.

What is not new is that Black women's lives get subsumed in the lives of others who are oppressed and systematically killed. "Black people", too often, are sexistly assumed to only be "Black men". In too many dominant social spaces, trans people of any gender are assumed to be white.

All the Women are White, all the Blacks are Men... comes to mind.

I have had the great honor to hear Alicia Garza speak. To me, she is a solid example of "a great leader". She is also the kind of leader the white and male supremacist mainstream, in media or out of it, will unlikely acknowledge as such. Media doesn't like shared titles. Media likes 'the' leader. But Alicia speaks inclusively, which is in itself rare among white progressives or male radicals. She speaks of all the people, past and present, who art part of political struggles. Keeping with that tradition is not conducive to the Great White Male Leader narrative. Alicia speaks of the leadership and purpose of the Black Lives Matter movement, here:
http://www.truth-out.org/news/item/29813-building-movements-without-shedding-differences-alicia-garza

An excerpt:
It's really hard for people to wrap their heads around a movement that is full of leaders. That's how our homes work; that's how our communities work; that's how our workplaces work, whether or not we want to talk about it. We're just trying to reflect our own realities. We're trying to create more pathways for more people to participate and engage. If we want a full democracy in this country, we can't just have people following one person. Everyone has to feel like they have a stake in shaping the kind of world that we live in. Otherwise, we get into a situation like the one that we're living in now, where nobody's happy with the leadership that we're getting.  -- Alicia Garza

Here are some links detailing the atrocities. There are many and there are not enough, but few of them come from the white male mainstream.

http://www.theroot.com/articles/news/2015/07/at_least_5_black_women_have_died_in_police_custody_in_july_wtf.html

http://www.blackgirldangerous.org/2014/12/whose-lives-matter-trans-women-color-police-violence/

http://www.womankind.org.uk/2015/05/sayhername-police-brutality-against-black-women-in-the-us/

I have thought often about the fact--to me a truthful one--that whites and men cannot lead us--the whole us--anywhere that is radically life-affirming and justice-bringing.


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Lucien and Julian, Part 2: Class, Race, Sex, Community, and The Alleged Enemies With Relatively Little Institutional Power

http://www.dialogueproject.net/shop/shopimages/frontcoversmall.jpg
image is from the dialog project dot net, here
Please see *here* for Part 1. Below is Part 2. 
Posted and significantly revised on 19 January 2011 ECD.


Julian: Would you like some tea, or maybe some juice?

Lucien: What kind of juice do you have?

Julian: I've got some organic peach juice [checking the fridge], and...

Lucien: I'll try that. Sounds delicious.

Julian: It is! Coming right up. [Gets two glasses, pours the juice, sets them down on something that functions as a coffee table, by the couch where there they are sitting, one at each end, with legs pulled up, soon holding the glasses and beginning the conversation.]

Lucien: Have you been online much since we last met?

Julian: I have, and it's getting more and more bleak out there in cyberland, honestly. Discouraging.

Lucien: What, besides most of the world's news except maybe what's going on in Tunisia?

Julian: I am eager to see what happens in Tunisia and in Haiti. We won't be getting any of the story of the revolution in Tunisia, because it doesn't fit the dominant U.S.'s global story of needing to invade everywhere to protect the world from democracy. In Tunisia they are manifesting democracy--without U.S. intervention! Can you imagine? It would call into question what U.S. military intervention has to do with 'democracy' if the media focused on the news there as much, say, as it focuses on fake news stories about potential threats coming out of countries it has every intention to invade. There are no "evil Fundamentalist Muslims" in charge of revolution in Tunisia to be concerned about. And the U.S. dominant media will never report on the evil fundamentalist corporate Christian conservatives in the U.S. and the genocide being committing here--by the values, policies, and practices of white conservatives and white liberals. So that's part of what is discouraging me: how does it happen that the U.S. media--and therefore its people--ignore genocide happening in our own country? [Pause.] But more power to the people of Tunisia--the women, the poor, the farmers, the activists.

But what's also discouraging is a kind of discourse that I've noticed is status quo in the West for many blogs: it holds a value for outright hostility, and the hostility, for the most part, is directed by people with privilege against people without it; or, in the second most popular expression of hostility: it is directed in very adversarial ways towards people one doesn't have much privilege or power over, but also against people who are not the people in charge of one's own oppression, structurally and socially speaking. So this is the derision that goes from people in one oppressed group to another. You'd think no one had ever heard of Flo Kennedy and "horizontal hostility".

Lucien: Who? [Smiles.]

Julian: Not funny. [Doesn't smile.]

Lucien. You know I'm kidding. You ARE down, aren't you! What's different about the way people are treating each other online? Hasn't discourse been either in the toilet or like a bar-brawl for many years?

Julian: I've been thinking about it because someone once reminded me that the way to engage about difficult co-triggering issues is to build friendship, to build connection, and make sure there's a fundamental level of respect and mutual regard before even "going there" about what might be difficult to talk about. It's an interpersonal, not an institutional model, to be sure, but what I'm talking about is what's going on in an interpersonal space, albeit inside a form of communication developed by and for white men, primarily as a pornography-delivery service, truth be told.

Flo was so right on about the fact that it is easier for people to deliver hatred, disrespect, hostility, aggression, and insult to people who are within our own group of oppressed people than it is to direct it up at those who oppress us. And the non-oppressed, in any given hierarchy, don't really do the kind of damage to one another that oppressed people do to one another.

Lucien: Given some of your posts lately, let me guess what you're most distressed about currently: tensions and insults between non-radical trans folks and cisgender radical lesbian feminists.

Julian: Yup. But... I just came across this other white male blogger who is pro-radical lesbian feminist. His views, to me, so far, seem very, very white. He's cisgender, in a het relationship, had some connections to what he calls GBT community for a while, noting that there was never much value or prioritisation of lesbian issues--I agree with that, by the way. But, as someone who is now in a het relationship, and with middle class privileges, he goes on and on about how trans community is one thing, as if trans people have even existed in community or had only one politic--it has especially never been primarily white or middle class. It seems to me like he's assuming the same about lesbians--at least that lesbian = white. I get why some women of color hold that view--"lesbian" is a particularly euro/anglo term. But lesbian and woman-centered politics, values, and practices have always been diverse, and there's sometimes an assumption that, for example, white lesbian women over the last forty years have all been radical feminist, which is very far from the truth.

When I was young, there basically were two visible dominant groups within an oppressed and also privileged population: white lesbians, which is who was in my community along with white gay men. There were bi women and men too. But there were very few lesbians of color were in my personal social world back then, except through books and going to hear women speak when they came anywhere near where I lived. And fortunately plenty of lesbian-feminists of color were speaking around the country then. So I got to hear plenty of women address the issues most central to lesbian women of color's lives, and they were quite different, with some overlap, to what was going on with white, especially middle-class, lesbians. But among the white lesbians around me there were two groups. I thought of them this way: gay-centered lesbians and feminist-centered lesbians. I can't say that the gay-centered lesbians were less woman-centered, only that they appeared to hold different values for activism or community-building. The feminist lesbians generally worked to build strong activist community to work to resist heteropatriarchal oppression. The gay-centered lesbians didn't seem to hold a view that male supremacy was at the root of anti-lesbianism, but rather that homophobia was. Since reading Dworkin, since reading Suzanne Pharr, I've never understood homophobia as much else other than misogyny, directed against lesbians, bi people, and gay men, and operating to police and regulate the behavior of heterosexual men, as Dworkin brilliantly noted in her speech to men. The challenge for most people is how to negotiate around the violence of men. Of white men in particular, in the West, even though the white corporate news would have you believe white men are not all that dangerous. White het men, as a group, are more deadly than any other group on Earth.

Among heterosexual white women, including especially those in my family-of-origin, I see people who are coerced by circumstance to prioritise the needs and values of het men. And the women give far more than they get, usually, with one or two exceptions in my family. Maybe with one exception.

But among lesbian women who seek out and are part of more urban-centered lesbian community, it seemed to me that there were women who sought to be part of gay and lesbian community, which often defaulted to gay community with lesbians in it. The feminist lesbian women who worked together and with non-lesbian feminists to achieve feminist community and support one another's feminist activism against heteropatriarchal oppression. And so this all amounted to, and I think still does amount to this, for me, when I think about any queer agenda: is your politic, your value, and your practice anti-male supremacist or not? Is it pro-male dominance or not? Is it pro-woman or not? And, how white is it? How centered is the agenda on the experiences of women of color? That's the crux of the matter, for me.

In my experience across communities, anyone--anyone--who takes a pro-woman, anti-patriarchal stance in values, action, whatever, is going to be deemed "a problem" by anyone who identifies with men or seeks to protect men's dominance and privileges over and against women. Gay men had organised against lesbian feminist issues in the early 1980s, and then many lesbians who had been working together with het women, began to take care of gay men with AIDS, men who were dying awful deaths. The gay men borrowed from the feminist women's health movement to develop community-building strategies to fight and to survive. And as many gay men will tell you, had AIDS never arrived, the very pro-male supremacist sexual practices would be going on. And they are still going on, in fact. I think one of the things that gets missed in that narrative is how self-destructive male supremacist sexuality is. Destructive to women and destructive to men. How a sexuality built on objectification, fetishisation, pornography, capitalism, bdsm, and pro-rapist values cannot be sustainable in any population, without oppressing women. And I'd argue a community that oppresses women is not sustainable, or ought not be. There was never much of a connection made between rampant child molestation against queer youth and how the sexuality of gay men developed around that abuse, to value and fetishise many aspects of it. To appropriate anti-mutuality and power used against others. And how completely anti-woman it was, anti-lesbian and damaging to heterosexual women too--those bi men were contracting AIDS from men and were giving it to their wives and girlfriends, after all. How many women today are HIV positive because of that pattern? The solution isn't only to encourage gay men to come out. That's a woefully inadequate solution. We've also got to examine the dominant cultural obsession with penises and penetration as "sex". But, in the 1980s, there the lesbians were, in urban and non-urban communities, to take care of gay men who were dying--men who had never listened to anything any radical lesbian feminist had ever said. And men who had never helped women develop the life-saving systems of woman-centered health care created by feminists and other woman-centered women.

Do you think Lorde's and Dworkin's work was regarded highly by white gay men? Not at all. With an tiny handful of exceptions, one of them being Dworkin's life partner. How many white gay men have even read "Uses of the Erotic"? How many gay men used that one speech and essay as a blueprint for building an entirely different, anti-patriarchal, pro-feminist ethic and practice of "having sex"?

Lucien: Let me guess: none?

Julian: Basically. Right. None.

Lucien: You're a bit older than me [wink] and I don't have the same growing-up experiences you do. I grew up in queer community that was very mixed and while often white majority, was rarely white-only or even only tokenistically not white.

Julian: But what was your own experience? Does the "gay lesbians" and the "lesbian feminists" distinction make sense of your earlier life, before transitioning, especially?

Lucien: I have always found that communities of color do "community" very differently than white, class-privileged ones. Here's the way I see that: white class-privileged people, no matter their sexuality, no matter their politics, seek out the preservation of unchallenged whiteness and white power in their groups; they won't admit this unless they are overtly fascistic. There's a value on a very white notion of "purity" has never been able to be a value in the communities of color I've been part of for so many reasons, most of them having to do with it being a really awful value--a very racist value, and also class privileged, and completely unsustainable. But also because the history of people of color, in the U.S. particularly, but also in many other places, is one of invasion by whites, of rape by white men, and of white men deciding what colors of people get to live and die. So this whole idea of preserving white power, white dominance, and trying to find a pure political group is really offencive and racist and anti-Semitic as hell. I get the value of holding to a radical politic--such as radical lesbian feminism--that is basically disrespected or threatened by every oppressor group imaginable. And I see the pain of witnessing it be so disregarded in what is supposed to be one place where "lesbianism" and "lesbian politics" are supported.

Julian: In queer communities, you mean?

Lucien: Yes. It is damned outrageous how disrespected and disregarded radical lesbian feminism is, and that's not only because it is presented by far too many whites as white-only. But women of color have never been able to afford the price of a political analysis of The Sole Oppressor: men, or patriarchy, or male supremacy, or whatever you want to call it. It's deadly. And it's misogynistic and sexist and all the rest. But it's not the only force killing women of color and never has been. There's that other force we endure or die from: whiteness, white privilege, white power, white dominance. And white women practice it without owning it, and that makes alliance with white women about as fraught with systematic injury and betrayal as any alliance with  men of color. And white women, I think, refuse to get that, on the whole. Most white women I know refuse to get that and really have it shape their personal and political action.

In North America, it is usually only white class-privileged people get to choose, with any power and significant options, with whom they associate. From work to family, white middle class queer folks, for example, typically move around to find communities that are "like them". And most people of color are not class-privileged and so we live where we are born or where our parents raised us. Yes, there are people of color going away to college and settling into places where their families are not. But if you live anywhere over time in the U.S.--without moving--chances are communities shift in complexion--all kinds of complexion, and that's not due so much to choice as it is to the forces of capitalism, which is always both white and male supremacist--something the white male Leftists generally refuse to acknowledge. You've got the Leftist whites who refuse to name the white supremacy in capitalism. There are exceptions: Tim Wise being one of them. But you've got the Leftist men who refuse to name the male supremacy as a central feature of all oppression. And so even Tim Wise won't center the experiences of women of color in his analysis of racism because to do so would mean exposing the male supremacy there, in the racism, that Tim has and holds.

So, anyway, in my experience most white activists and bloggers don't have any idea how white their focus and agenda  is, and how seeking out community that rejects most of humanity as inhumane, or not human, is not sustainable. It's not that most of humanity is humane. It's that we're all caught in those systems, or disrespect and disregard. And no one can afford it, ultimately. But to pretend that organising with people you can move around to be with isn't a white supremacist value, and isn't incredibly class-privileged is really problematic. Whites moving around looking for inexpensive housing is precisely how gentrification happens, after all. There's nothing else going on that drives out people of color from their own neighborhoods. It's capitalism. But it's the whiteness in capitalism.

Now, I went to check out that dude's blog because you'd sent me a link and it screams "white middle class man"--everything about it screams that--and I suspect he thinks he's saying something else. It's in the level of gross aggression he doles out against oppressed people--so typically male supremacist, for one thing, and so very white. And he's doing it in the name of "feminism" which makes me want to throw up. I used to view your blog that way too--did you know that?

Julian: Not exactly, although we've talked about some issues you've had with it. But I'm not sure I knew you were upset or troubled with the tone.

Lucien: The issue is with oppressors taking a tone that is warranted if someone is crushing you down. You'd better yell if someone's boot is on your neck, until it's on so strong you can't yell at all, or breathe. But you and that other white male--you two are not so oppressed as that. Whiteness and male supremacy don't target either of you, except for the ways that each of you have been non-heterosexual. And in your case Jewish too. So the rage that is there against other whites and other males comes across as dissociated from who you are, and what power you have. And I don't agree with any politic--and I know you agree with me here--that states that men can refuse to be men. Men can't and whites can't, unless the white and male supremacist systems and cultures that maintain both realities are gone. Whites and men can be more or less responsible, more or less self-aware, more or less respectful of those they oppress, and they can use their voices to challenge white men and to support women of all colors. And you do that. You do. I'm not so sure about the other white male. I don't know him at all.

And in my experience, people with race and class privilege--and we know what color of people that tends to be--get to display their rage towards woman they want to in whatever ways they desire to, and they set the bar for how to engage with others, which is in a damned destructive, misogynistic way. It's destructive to women of color, always. This is so blatantly obvious in the blogosphere--when rage is expressed it'll always end up being dumped on women of color. Because class-privileged whites and men are structurally protected from at least some of the consequences in ways all women, poor people, working people, and people of color are not. The life of women, of poor people, and people of color means perpetually living with the consequences of whites and men's actions, including the daily consequence of being shut out and put down for being of color and not wealthy or anything approaching individual or personal economic security. The life of the class-privileged is being protected from some of those consequences too, which means people who are wealthy are very spoiled, and very selfish, often. Very self-centered. Very oblivious and ignorant, while believing they are none of the above, and so wealthy people are very dangerous, really. When white and male, which most of the wealthiest people are, they are deadly dangerous. And financially investing in genocide is but one way that shows up.

But what you're noticing among oppressed people who also are oppressors in some regard, is something I've seen too, and it's in part due to the immediacy of the media--there's no space in which to be triggered and get any compassion for being triggered. We are all getting triggered and are responding immediately without wisdom, it seems. And there's this reacting to reaction that seems to be an endless cycle of community-destruction. That's how I experience it. Most people have lots of good reasons to be pissed off; and I'm not for creating happy people in times of terror. And it's not that we weren't all angry ten and fifteen years ago. Or, well, in your case twenty or twenty-five years ago. [laughs]

Julian: [laughs] Well, yes. But here's the thing, Lucien. My experience of white middle class people is that there's a premium put on appearing to be "polite" to one another especially in some regions of the country and world. In some places more than others. But the value is on appearance, not on anything genuine. So you can do all kinds of passive-aggressive or aggressive-aggressive harm and get away with it as long as it's packaged as polite. The whole fucking Academy is founded on VERY white and middle class values, where cursing out another student is an actionable offence--and cursing out a teacher, well, forget it. Which does nothing to stop white folks from bullying and tormenting each other. This does nothing to stop professors from welcoming sex from students, or initiating it. There's just a silly code about how to do it. Basically, quietly, out of view. That's the media's function, to me: to keep the atrocities committed by whiteness and manhood--perpetrated by white people and men--out of view and with no radical analysis that points to the gendered and raced dimensions of all violence. You may abuse whoever you wish as long as it doesn't cause too much of a commotion, and the public's job and the media's job is to cause commotion about what women and people of color do so that we never really have to notice what white men get away with, as a group. That's white middle class and wealthier society, to me.

Someone, a white class-privileged woman who was a radical lesbian feminist, activist, once noted that lots of suburban neighborhoods were constructed with houses just far enough apart so you couldn't so easily hear the woman next door screaming.

Lucien: That's chilling.

Julian: Yeah. And true enough, no? Compared to working class neighborhoods where houses are often much closer together, or where people are living in large apartment buildings, apartment complexes.

Lucien: Projects. Never finished projects, or always failed projects. I grew up in one for part of my childhood. You heard everyone screaming. Siblings didn't tend to have their own rooms. There wasn't the space and there wasn't the money to buy the space for children to have their own rooms. I think the way projects were built was so that you couldn't necessarily hear or be too concerned about anyone down the hall screaming because there was too much screaming happening in between you and them. Often the parents telling the kids to shut the fuck up, or kids just fighting. And again, there's nothing uniquely Black or Brown about that. I've seen some white middle class families and there's lots of violence there; another little "benefit" of having children asleep in their own bedrooms is that daddy can molest and rape them easier, with fewer people noticing. And the siblings fight and never mend their relationships because their class privilege, the distance they can maintain and survive, means they don't have to.

Julian: Yeah, hence me not having a damn thing to do with my brother.

Lucien: This doesn't mean there's peace and bliss in places where people are crowded together or are confined economically. There isn't.

Julian: But it is important to note, against stereotype, that white middle class parents were and are often oppressively controlling or grossly negligent--one or the other, often enough, or both; ruling the home or busy with work outside the home. Just read A Language Older Than Words by the very sweet white het man, Derrick Jensen, for one horrid example of all that. He's probably my favorite living white het man.

It's not that white middle class parents were "good", or that white teachers in white schools were "good", exactly. School systems and neighborhoods had more funding, and that means something. It means newer text books in which white male supremacist lies are promoted and in which women of color can be perpetually left out of history lessons and literary anthologies, except tokenistically, or as spokespeople about race only.  There may be more desks, better infrastructure, and more money flowing in, generally. More resources. So teachers can be paid more, but they aren't necessarily better teachers. Some of the best teachers are the lowest paid. That's always how it is. Another thing about living in white suburbia: it does mean we'll have a police force that doesn't treat its residents like shit 24/7. It means we can think of the police as a force of responsible control...

Lucien: And not constant harassers, bullies, and terrorists.

Julian: Exactly. The simplest way in the U.S. to find out what region and class someone grew up in is to ask what their views are of the police and of prisons. White middle class folks always want more of each, please. Lots more of each, to arrest, charge, and put away all those people of color and poor people. For possessing drugs that white middle class folks do most often at home, and not as much on the street.

Lucien: "The street", in urban places, is a complex community issue. Because if you're crammed inside you need to get out. And if you're in places where resources aren't, there's far more desperation and despair. There's lots of depression. And that, combined with what we all learn about what to do with our rage and pain, means that people are going to suffer, a lot. And not in ways that suburban kids who "hate their life" experience. Where's "the street" in suburbia? It's the thing adolescent males skateboard down, isn't it? Or the place where kids don't skateboard because they're inside playing their on their game consoles. It's what people wave to one another across while mowing their lawns or taking out the trash, or pulling the gasoline burner or cool hybrid into the garage that is attached to the house. And it's not that there's all peace and bliss there. Suburbia is fucked up for its own reasons.

Julian: Totally.

Lucien: But where's the terrorist police force in white middle class neighborhood? And in the wealthier neighborhoods, where houses are so damned far apart you can commit mass murder and no one would know. Those friendly police officers come to specific calls, specific complaints. They treat the neighborhood as "good" and intruders into it as "bad". In poor and urban areas, the neighborhood is considered "bad" and so to is everyone going in or coming out, except white straight dudes who are a socially protected class. So the police have to control the neighborhood, not the crime. The police are part of the crime.

Julian: Yeah, you won't hear many white wealthy people refer to the police as the criminal element.

Lucien: So, back to how people address each other online.

Julian: Right. Thanks. So this white guy is just blasting men the way I used to--and still might, on occasion. And it's not that there aren't a trillion reasons to do so. I'm just noticing, though, that he's not mentioning whiteness much at all. Funny how that works. Not ha-ha funny, though. And what struck me as strange is how he doesn't seem to include himself as "a man". He uses "their" to refer to men. Hell, before I came out as intergender, I'd refer to men as "us" most of the time, even though I never identified with the term, never felt "like a man" and never wanted to include myself in that group.

Lucien: Why did you do it then?

Julian: Because I had close women friends calling me out regularly on my male supremacist shit. So it was never really out of my consciousness that I was behaving as one of them, as a man. This gets into who gets to name whom, and the politics of naming ourselves. I have always felt somewhat entitled to name myself as I see fit. That's often a class privileged thing, and when combined with race privilege, it's like a no-brainer that whites get to name ourselves; and we get to name everyone else too. But, anyway, I was acting like a man enough of the time.

Lucien: Not that you still can't!

Julian: Oh, totally. Totally. Any second, really. Watch out! [laughs]

Lucien: I can handle you. [laughs] You don't mind being called out. That's the only thing that makes you in any way different than most males I know. You welcome being called out. Even if you get defensive sometimes.  The only reason I'd be sitting here with you is because you can take it and don't silence women--usually. And sometimes you actually learn by listening! [laughs]

Julian: Yeah, well, it usually takes a while. But how are you saying this works in communities of color, especially those that are urban and poor?

Lucien: We are named. We are named and we use those names against each other in "shut the fuck up, you senseless asshole" ways. There's a killing rage. bell hooks has written about it. It's a rage anyone who is oppressed both institutionally and interpersonally and intimately, economically and socially and psychologically, is going to feel, if they're alive. Or maybe we make these attempts at appropriating the Master's names for us, in ways that seem like we're taking the sting out of it, but I don't buy that shit. I don't think the n word and the b word ever mean anything all that loving. But it's a way to survive that whites don't have to deal with. Even among poor whites, I don't hear white men calling each other "trash" or "honky" in affectionate ways among their own. You'll notice there's no variation of "cracker" that whites find endearing to call one another showing up in lyrics. [Julian bursts out laughing.] For white women, of course, there's plenty of misogynist terms to choose from and I do hear white women use the b word as if women's lives depended on it. And only white middle class lesbians, in my experience, anyway, are re-appropriating the c word. Even the d word for lesbian is used primarily by white middle class lesbians, and by the het men who despise or are jealous of them.

But what I see is women of color--no, not "women of color" but Black women. Black women, calling each other really hurtful names, really derogatory misogynistic names. And the defence is that "I get to". That's not much of a feminist stance and it's not much of a defence, even if it is the case that it's true and Black women have very few people they can get away with calling the names we call each other. But that's a white male supremacist stance; a privileged stance--any value on putting down and taking down Black women comes from the White Man. Few of us who aren't privileged by class and race get to do much without serious consequences coming down on us at some point--and I mean beyond someone else being upset with us, or feeling hurt and horrible. We sure as hell can't call whites the terms that occur to us to call them. We sure as hell can't call men what we want to, especially if they're living with us... if and when they're our fathers, uncles, brothers, and sons. And so, guess who we get to call all kinds of nasty names: other women. Including white women. And Black women. Any woman who speaks out is vulnerable. Any woman who doesn't practice silence is a target.

Julian: And women of color--in my experience I've seen this most often among Black women--are socially ostracised by whites and men, not just interpersonally, like between two people. Also sometimes by other Black women.

Lucien: Yes. It's so sad, so heartbreaking to see us treat each other the way white men want us to be treated all the time. Damn if those white men don't win each and every goddamned time. Winning that social lottery every fucking week. Laughing all the way to the fucking bank.

Julian: I'm not really going to get into that too much--how Black women treat one another.

Lucien: Good. It's not your struggle.

Julian: No. And what white men do to women of color can fill a lifetime, or twelve.

Lucien: You know it. And what white women do to women of color too. But again, that's not really your battle. You know that white European guy on YouTube? That guy who has had a series on prostitution and more recently on trans stuff?

Julian: Yeah, I've contacted him a bit but he's pretty reluctant to maintain connection--like a "good" autonomous white dude.

Lucien: Notice how entitled he feels to discuss whatever the fuck he wants--and with accountability to who, really? Who is he accountable to in his life? How would we know? It's not that I have serious disagreements with some of what he's saying. But get the entitlement to speak out, as a white cisgender non-gay--as far as I know--man, to and about everyone else.

Julian: I see myself in him. I see myself in that white male blogger. It's hard to shut up about stuff when you feel passionately about it and when you see what's messed up. And when you've been raised to feel oh-so-very entitled to speak up and out about everything and anything. No matter what your politics are. Where I struggle these days, Lucien, is whether and when to get involved in what we queer people call each other and how we treat and mistreat each other. Because that is my community and while I've generally been estranged, or feel estranged--that's the deeper truth--I've never not been part of queer community since coming out... all those many years ago. [laughs]

Lucien: [laughs hard.] You and I both know it!

Julian: So what do I do about the fact that white lesbians, primarily, are putting down trans women, calling trans women some really disgusting names, really insulting, intentionally demeaning, dehumanising names? And about how gay, trans, and other queer folks are putting down radical lesbian feminists--many white but not all? Not just putting down radical feminism, or lesbian feminism, but putting down the women, by name. Targeting them, ganging up on them. I've seen this and it's really ugly. There's like two camps and they've decided they each hate each other, or, well, some do, and they pretend they don't overlap at all. And they ignore lots and lots of queer folks who don't fit neatly into one camp or the other. They pretend "queer" means "white" most of the time, for example. Or that "lesbian" means white. Or that "feminist" means white, and especially, especially, that "radical feminist" and "radical lesbian feminist" only ever means white. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've seen white women speaking about the radical feminists they've read and learned from and it's the same damn list of white women: Mary Daly, Sheila Jeffreys, Sonia Johnson, ...

Lucien: I know the list. The "canon". And here's the thing about "the canon": you'd better believe that they have something to say that's important. I'm personally not so much a fan of Sonia--her particular combo of race and class privilege, to me, is just way over the edge. I can't deal with it. That's me. But anyone who is interested in engaging on the issues that radical lesbian feminists are concerning themselves with had better read some Mary Daly and Sheila Jeffreys. But both women have been written off as transphobic, which is really interesting to me, as someone who was radlesfem-identified both before and after transitioning. Well, before, and then after transitioning again. I really don't get the complete dismissal of those two writers, in particular. I get some of us who are trans not wanting to read Jan Raymond's book, The Transsexual Empire, although I wish people who write about her would actually read the whole book and stop pretending she only ever had one idea. It's far more serious, to me, with what's being done to Mary Daly and Sheila Jeffreys. Because to write them both off as "so transphobic that they shouldn't be regarded as significant thinkers and theorists is to not take seriously that white male supremacy--even if they call it male supremacy and don't deal much with race--is hurting all women. And what queer community doesn't care about women?

Julian: You mean besides most of them? You mean women who aren't transgender? My question is what community that includes men and males has demonstrated any consistent regard and respect for women's liberation? Can we even name one? It's surely not the queer community! From drag shows by and for gay men, to masculinist sexuality being promoted as liberation, to overt disrespect for radical lesbian feminist theories and practices, to a centering of civil rights reforms that won't do shit to liberate any women of any sexuality or any race or any class, to not getting involved in issues of prison reform and ending poverty, white gay men's political agendas over the last thirty-plus years are notoriously self-serving, anti-radical, and anti-woman--including anti-lesbian!

Lucien: Yes, there's that! The ethics of how we speak to one another is currently that one only need read a few quotes by anyone whose white and lesbian in order to dismiss her as "transphobic" or "a man-hater". This has been going on for years. And it's really misogynistic and really anti-queer, if you assume lesbians are part of queer community. It's complicated by the fact that the most privileged lesbians in the U.S., due to culture, comprise most of the women who are separatist, in my experience. Only whites, again, tend to try and form groups organised around a value of political purity in the West. The rest of us just have to find ways to stay in community while disagreeing strongly with one another, and fighting the many forces seeking our destruction. Lesbian separatism doesn't really work so well in a community that is facing genocide, for example. And I've yet to see anyone who is pro-lesbian separatist engage that point. At the end of the day, we know who the real enemy is, or ought to! It's not other queer folks; it's not people of color; it's not poor and working class people. And its not cisgender women.

Julian: And it's not trans women either. Other than on the Internet, and maybe at Michfest, where, in reality, is the dominance of transwomen a real social problem? That's an honest question and I welcome answers. Where is the space where transwomen have more power and privilege, more entitlements, than cisgender men who aren't at all trans? A friend of mine, radical feminist, has been calling me out on focusing too much on "trans women" as a problem population. And I think I haven't been clear in stating how I feel. I don't see "trans women" as THE problem. I see disrespecting women and disregarding radical lesbian feminist theory and practice as THE problem, along with Western white supremacist genocide and racism. I understand that many cisgender women with a RLF politic don't view trans women as being respectful of cisgender women, which is to say, women who were targeted as female, as subordinate to males, from day one, throughout girlhood, across adolescence and throughout one's teenage years, through early adulthood and whatever other portion of one's live that's been lived? The question, for me, is this: are girls and women who were once girls, a legitimate political group or not? As defined by those particular, and not very exclusive political parameters--and all the violence that comes to that particular population? We're talking here about over half the Earth's human population, right? And what does it mean that this political group cannot garner systematic--let alone systemic--support, respect, or regard from anyone else?

Lucien: Well, that's true enough. I also don't see transgender people of any gender as THE problem population oppressing lesbians and I know there was a survey done--with a handful of people voting--showing that transmen are considered to be the population to be most destructive to lesbian community. You have to really ignore lesbians of color and poor lesbians to arrive at that conclusion. You have to pretend the world is white and Western to believe that. And you have to not understand how queer community functions in the lives of many lesbians of color to believe that too. I'd say the two most destructive forces preventing lesbian feminism from thriving are these: male supremacy and white supremacy. And the "white supremacy/racism/genocide" problem never seems to make the list of top issues to deal with, among any white people. So how fucking pro-Two-Spirit is that?

Look, most women across the world have many opportunities to gather in woman-only spaces. The segregation of women by men is a global reality--religious and secular, but not so apparent in the white West. But even Western women with children only congregate with women, if we're talking about other adults, during the days, if they are at home in neighborhoods with each other. Many women who are not middle class, who are poor, work in places where only women work, outside of the home. The forces which keep those women from embracing radical feminist politics are not transgender-driven; most people in the West don't even know much or anything about transgender people. Most people have never met anyone who is transgender or transsexual.

Julian: And when that white guy, that blogger, who is so pro-radical feminist, speaks about "trans politics" what the hell IS he talking about? Who is he talking about? Because most trans people don't support a surgerical solution to being transgender. See, it's really easy to make this CRAP sound coherent if you make it incredibly simplistic by never contextualising anything at all. Can he please tell us what and who, exactly, he's talking about?

And if anti-radical, anti-feminist trans folks are talking about is one book by Jan Raymond, then they really ought to consider what institutionalised power is doing to transgender and transsexual people globally. And how much more power over transsexuals that is than one book by Raymond.

And if you're identifying transsexual women and men as the most threatening group to your existence--and we're going to measure that by how much to you talk about it on your blog, then you really are living in a very elitist, privileged world. Go tell cisgender lesbians in Afghanistan, Iraq, and the rest of Asia, throughout the Pacific Island nations, and in Haiti and throughout the Caribbean, across the Americas--all of them, across sub-Saharan Africa, and go tell anyone who is Indigenous, that THE problem is transmen or transwomen and see what kind of response you get! These online theories only hold up if you pretend the world is white and middle class, and is controlled by politics found on college campuses that are indeed increasingly hostile work environments for any radical lesbian feminists.

I support the work of radical lesbian feminists to create a world that is safe and joyful for all girls, no matter who they grow up to be. And I hope that cisgender lesbians have, in short time, far more political support and respect in queer community and beyond it. People who have never had any male privileges, and those who do not have heterosexual privilege, ought to be able to exist as a distinct social population, always well-regarded, respected, listened to, and supported to meet, gather, and live with others from that population without interference by anyone else, no matter how marginalised. Do you support this as well, Lucien?

Lucien: I support all efforts to dismantle white and male supremacy and foster sustainable communities that are pro-Indigenist, anti-racist, anti-heteropatriarchal, and anti-imperialist. And from my own experience in queer community, as a transsexual person, a transgender person, and as someone who is currently lesbian-feminist identified and not seeking gendered identity beyond womanhood, I support the rights of lesbians to gather and work together as we wish. And for women who are not transgender or transsexual to not have to accommodate their actions and activities to anyone who has had, still has, or acquires male privilege and power.

And, that's only one of my battles. Other battles for liberation require my allegiance with other populations--those that are not white, are not class-privileged, and are not Western. I hope lesbians and non-lesbian women with class and race privileges will support me in my work to stop genocide and gynocide of Indigenous, Brown, Black, and Asian women. It cannot be done when whiteness is made to appear, in writings and in other actions, to be a marginal or non-existent problem for women. It, as much as male supremacy, is responsible for women of color enduring atrocities. That the forms of harm may be more institutional and not so interpersonal doesn't make them any less deadly. I'd argue it makes them more deadly. And easier to ignore by those with white and class privilege.

Julian: Thank you, Lucien, for your friendship and your perspective.

Lucien: You're welcome, Julian. I'll take a refill on the peach juice if you still have some.

Julian: Coming right up!

[End of Part 2] [Please see the top of this post for the link to Part 1.]

Friday, December 31, 2010

Red Without Blue: Since when did LGBT stand for Lesbian- and Girl-Bashing Tolerance?!

https://web.archive.org/web/20131104154919if_/http://redwithoutblue.com/images/homepage.jpg
the poster image is from here

Please note: this blog post was significantly revised on Jan. 1 and 2, 2011.
You may see *this related post on Queer Politics*.
Also please note that there are links to be able to view this film in its entirety. They appear later in this post along with a more legible list of the awards this film has received.

 
There's plenty of anti-lesbian privilege and "progressive" girl-bashing going on in Het and Queer communities and it's not being called out much. The dignity of women who lived their childhoods as girls is no longer regarded as of value in Queer community; I doubt it ever was. From my earliest memories, lesbian feminist political agendas were radical, while white gay men's political agendas were conservative to liberal. Things haven't changed in the last thirty to forty years; and what's gotten worse is that radical feminism has been made into a dirty word--or, well, two words. Men still defend and protect their man-given right to be misogynists, to habitually and institutionally reinforce their male supremacist entitlements, and to make sure their masculinist privileges don't go away any time soon.

How do you know white Queer politics are anti-woman? When radical lesbian feminist politics are regarded as anti-queer.

Here's but one example from North American media.

A darling of white-majority Queer film-fests, Red Without Blue is a documentary about racism, classism, and misogyny, including anti-lesbian misogyny. The problem is that the filmmakers and people focused on this documentary don't seem to notice or care that this movie promotes these values and practices in the name of "pro-trans/queer politics".

As one intergender person who is unapologetically pro-radical, pro-feminist, anti-racist, and pro-Indigenist, I reject misogyny, anti-lesbianism, and racism as prerequisites for Queer agendas of social [non-]transformation. If covert and overt racism and misogyny must exist for white Queer culture to exist, then white queer liberalism is about the same thing as WHM conservatism: oppressive and repressive: certainly for all people who are not wealthy, white, and male.

In Red Without Blue we have, yet again, the unquestioned presentation of white middle class people as THE spokespeople on trans and queer issues, as the crucible in which we learn about something called "humanity", as if "humanity" is most apparent there, and not anywhere else. This white nuclear reactive family's story is so loaded up with class, race, and gender privileges, and layered with typically classed and raced dysfunction that it's a wonder this film is heralded by so many Queer/LGBT filmfests as honest and painfully beautiful. Then again, given how white and male supremacist Queer/LGBT dominant and alternative media often are, perhaps it's no wonder at all.

Here's a synopsis of the film's plot lines along with my commentary:
Two white twins, both gay males, grow up in a het home broken by divorce. Their father leaves but is still in the lives of his sons, more or less. The twins become drug addicts, are raped, and try and commit suicide. This is not a happy story and it's a story too many of us know--these dysfunctional responses to pain and socially protected forms of terrorism are commonplace, the norm, and unremarkable if also horrible.

The fact that neither parent really has time for either of these boys is obviously a central issue in the pain they endure and almost don't survive. But they survive the suicide attempt and one of them later decides to transition from a man to a woman. Not because the male twin believes they're a woman. No. That's not the reason: that this isn't questioned more by anyone is a bit of a problem, to me. It's a problem because it means that one is left considering doing something that is quite dangerous and not at all required to bring someone closer to who they say they believe, deep down, they are.

The twin who wishes to transition finds the most understanding and support not from the twin brother but rather from another class-privileged white person raised only as a boy And the exchanges between them are so overtly misogynistic and grossly male privileged that it made me want to scream out at them for their vile unmitigated woman-hatred. The other twin, who remains a gay man, seeks relationship and travel abroad, finding value in each and leaving his sibling to figure out what to do about being transgender.

Here, in this story, is something that is not questioned by anyone in the film or by contemporary queer community in my experience: the assumption that someone who is male is entitled to appropriate some kind of surgical semblance of "a woman's body". Beyond the dominant cultural transphobia that anyone seeking to do this is likely to encounter, we are not led by the people filmed or the filmmaker to ask anything else about this--if a male person wants to have breast implants or to have some sort of pseudo-vagina and vulva fashioned out of penile and scrotal tissue, we are all supposed to nod affirmatively that this is, unquestionably, a socially good thing to do because what the effect is on women as a class can never, ever matter as much as the needs and wishes of people with male privilege--male privilege trumps radical lesbian feminist women's wishes, wants, or dignity in contemporary racist patriarchies like those found across dominant North America.

And so objections to males appropriating women's body parts in the most superficial surgical ways, if questioned or challenged as "a right" at all, is to render the questioner--the woman--grossly transphobic. We may note that someone with male privileges and entitlements to appropriate women's bodies is not challengeable as grossly misogynistic. Who cares if they're called a misogynist anyway? Not many males I know. They just deny it and move on. Never mind that misogyny and anti-lesbianism (more on this later) is so thick in this film you can cut it with a dull plastic knife.

What ISN'T misogynistic about endeavoring to put "female parts" on a male's body? We're collectively not allowed to ask that question without being branded a bigot. Males get to do what they want, to the extent we are able to do so, and heteropatriarchal society will assist males in doing whatever we want as long as we cough up the bucks. That's one point made in this movie. And once again, it's not a point the filmmaker is intending to convey.

Where's the "painful beauty" of two white middle class young adults--the twin who is transitioning and the friend who has already done so, who were raised with plenty of structural male power even if they each were marginalised socially for being queer or nerdy--having a conversation about how gross and disgusting vulvas are, while one uber-privileged transsexual supports another shopping for them? Yes, "shopping", like one would for a car or an iPad.

Note the complete ignorance of what being female is, socially and physically, on the part of our main character, Clair, who believes that to really understand what vulvas look like, one must view pimped images of raped women's bodies--as if images of women pimped by men are not retouched--in every violating and contemptuous way imaginable.

Note how this very male supremacist person, the one who doesn't believe they are a woman, is utterly repulsed at the sight of a FAKE vulva (to our knowledge, Clair has never, ever seen an actual woman's genitals in a non-exploitive context). Note that the repugnance is not even at seeing an actual human vulva as such an organ appears on someone who has not had surgery, but is, instead, elicited by being shown a graphic photograph of  the post-op transsexual person's crotch; is this scene, for trans people, not grossly transphobic? How does one show someone an image of their own body and have someone recoil saying "GROSS" and feel respected by that? There's no indication that anything disrespectful has happened to anyone at all--particularly women raised as girls.

Instead this person with the photographic image of their surgically reconstructed groin tells Clair how happy they were to have it done. We are made to believe that the process is easy--kind of a breeze, really: this process of having ones male genitals removed and a semblance of mostly external female genitals fashioned in their place. In M2F sex-reassignment medical parlance, it's called "bottom surgery".

For whom is this really no big deal? It's not that I think having one's penis and testicles lobbed off ought to be regarded as the highest of cardinal sins; although to be honest, I do think one ought to be made to consider the ramifications of this being done with someone more mature than a person who can laugh with you about how gross vulvas look.

I don't assume that we all feel great affection or affiliation with our bodies. There are many complex reasons for this. Many, many women hate their bodies and do many things--including getting surgery if they can afford it to change the shape and size of various areas of their bodies. Many girls and women also starve themselves to try and get rid of secondary sexual characteristics, from breast tissue to thigh and buttock tissue, and to stop menses. Some women cut their flesh with sharp objects or burn themselves. Body self-hatred is to being female in Western patriarchal societies what penis-worship among men is in the same societies; it is for this reason that some might find Clair's decision to pursue "bottom surgery" objectionable. Some of those who do object, I believe, are located within trans and intergender community. I am one such person but I am not alone. The fact that I have many of the privileges Clair has means that I can speak with a voice that will be regarded as "comprehension-worthy" in a way that people without my privileges will not be listened to so carefully by whites, males, and class-privileged people.

We do not live in a world that promotes girls and women loving their bodies. Mark this down as an early "understatement of the year" for 2011. That so many women with financial means seek to alter their bodies is one clue of this social disdain and denigration. A solution to this social-political problem is not to promote more surgery. It is to promote the end of the institutions and industries which manufacture woman-hating.

It's not that I can't imagine wanting to dissociate completely from a part of oneself that one increasingly doesn't identify as "who I am". But who among us gets to act out this level of dissociation by seeking out surgery? Not most trans people across the globe who will never have the funds necessary to pay a doctor to do it. And who among us gets to have medically necessary non-trans surgeries to repair the physical/genital harm of being sexually violated and injured. Most girls and women who are not trans don't usually get to have access to the experience a few wealthy-enough males who seek sex-reassignment surgery get to have.

This isn't an argument for not allowing someone to have surgery to remove parts of their body. But it is an argument about what people who have been raised as boys--including those of us who didn't identify with being boys--ought to call ourselves. This is an argument about those of us who were born male and grew up into adulthood with structural and social male privileges and entitlements. It's an ethical and political argument about those of us who later, after reaching adulthood, have various medical and surgical procedures done to re-assign our sex. My argument has to do with what we are, socially and politically when that process is completed--or not. This ethical argument is built on this premise, which is, in reality, an institutionalised, globalised practice: we live in a world in which female bodies are medically and socially violated as standard operating procedure. In this world, always in this context--never outside of it--a very few number of class-privileged people raised as boys get to shop around for the kind of vulvas and breasts they want to own, physiologically, to pass as "a woman", as if "a woman" is only someone who has socially noticeable breasts and something between their legs that looks enough like what pornographers' photograph to get prospective het men to believe its "a real vagina". The argument is that surgery doesn't construct a person into being a woman; male supremacist social power, including routine sexual terrorism, does.

If this wasn't a documentary I'd simply call out the writer of the film for scripting a grossly misogynistic, classist, and racist screenplay. But since this is not scripted, I've got to call out the two white middle class people in this movie--Clair and her transsexual friend--for revealing for all of us who view the film how virulently misogynistic and absolutely objectifying of women's bodies male-privileged people can be, even those who demand to be considered women by family and society. It's not like they didn't know cameras were rolling when they were discussing this. Their level of callousness to girls and women who are not trans who might watch this is astounding to me--or, well, it would be except that's the level of callousness I've come to expect from most people raised as as boys.

There's some honesty here in this movie about gender in the West. As mentioned briefly already, Clair acknowledges (a few times) not feeling like a man or a woman. So why shop around for fake female genitals? What are the sexual politics and signs of entitlement infused with THAT course of action? Who is this person wanting to be, and for whom? Why is Clair feeling profoundly loved and unconditionally accepted by their father because he is willing to pay for Clair to have a fake vulva surgically constructed where male genitals are? Shall we not question the misogyny of the father, in assuming his purchase of something that looks sort of like a vulva, but isn't one at all, is a blessed gesture of fatherly love? I am reminded of the parents who permit teenage girls to get breast implants and nose jobs. Sure, the kids feel loved by the parents who let them. But is that really what love is? I sure hope not. What that is, is this: the misuse of money to replace real relationship; the use of purchasing "things" to replace putting in the time it takes to have intimate and solid connection with ones children. That dad checked out earlier and feels awful about his twin boys almost killing themselves--might this be a motivation for him wanting to pay for one of his children to have "bottom surgery"? Are we allowed to ask him? Are we allowed to ask this at all? Isn't this what capitalist parents do, who have the means to do it: buy the love of their children?

How do we conclude that dis-identifying with ones own male genitals leads us to shopping for surgeons who can manufacture vulva-like flesh? In what social world which values any level of personal authenticity does obtaining a fake vulva make you the woman you repeatedly say you aren't? Clair is not only NOT a woman-identified person; Clair is a seriously misogynist male supremacist non-female person who feels trapped in a gender-binaried world and seeks solutions that reinforce the binary Clair is trapped inside.

Were I Clair's friend, I'd say: "Clair, welcome to our anti-queer, woman-hating world. Now, what can we do to fight male supremacy, capitalist exploitation, and stop the degradation and mass production of women's body parts seen to be and made into things to be thoroughly exploited, violated, and exchanged in the male supremacist marketplace? How can you find some peace within yourself, given the emotional and sexual trauma you've endured?"

Even her twin brother, it seems, cannot approach speaking about their rapes. And so no one appears to be interested in tending to that horrendous wound. Instead, let's find doctors to replace parts that we no longer wish to have be part of us.

It's a strange time we live in, for those of us who live in places where such surgical solutions to emotional and political problems are promoted as healthy and are not objected to as blatantly woman-hating.

And then there's the "Driving Miss Daisy" scene, with our protagonist, Clair, being chauffeured around by a man of color who drives a cab: yes--chauffeured. She rents his services to drive her everywhere claiming he's a really good friend. It is obvious that Clair is completely clueless about the blatant racism and classism being promoted as perfectly acceptable behavior. There's no social awareness here evidenced by these actions of our white trans exploiter. This is about as gross a display of classism and racism I've seen in any allegedly progressive movie, heralded as such by one white male supremacist queer film festival after another.

And additional dimension of classism shows up when we find out the twins' father was out of work for months but pretended to be going to work each day, out of the house. How did this family survive economically? Were this a poor or working class family, such an act would have meant terrifying peril. How is it that the white man of the house, who, to our knowledge, is a primary "bread-winner" can not work for months and yet the family still survives exactly as if he is working all along? This unaddressed question may perhaps be seen a being beyond the scope of the film, but if you understand the film to be about how class, region, gender, and race all coalesce in each of our lives to promote or protect various realities, then this is a relevant question. He does go on to use his money to assist Clair in her gender-journey in a few key ways: all of them medical or surgical.

As if all that weren't way too much, we also have the Christian mother of these twins living with--as in sharing her bed with--another white Christian woman, but they state clearly THEIRS IS NOT A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP. Got it. They're Good Christian White Women sharing a bed and apparently are keeping enough space between them for Jesus to keep them good, and holy, and what? Straight?

The class, hetero/sexist, and white anti-lesbian privileges reek to high heaven throughout this film.

One of the entitlements of the most privileged among us is that we get to name ourselves and define ourselves, because if we're atop class, gender, and race hierarchies, we don't have those dominant groups above us telling us who we are. This whole matter of deciding what gender or sexual orientation someone is comes with various degrees of privilege; let's not forget that millions of queer kids, including me, were told what we were from childhood on, and the terms weren't pretty.

We were told what we were and we internalised the sexual shame and gender degradation to our humanity that the bullies' news was delivered on. The shame, for me, to be clear, wasn't being called a girl. Being called a sissy did sting; being called a f*ggot hurt a lot. To endure verbal abuse and other forms of mistreatment was degrading. But to be called "a girl" was flattering. The shame was in being systematically targeted for humiliating verbal and physical assault by boys who were perpetrating pricks.

And speaking of perpetrating pricks, there is a rapist in this film's story too. A slightly older gay man who rapes both twins repeatedly, also rapes another child, a boy who at the time of his assault was younger than they were. They witnessed this child's assault--they witnessed him come out of a bathroom where the man raped him. They witnessed him be curled up with a terrified and distant look in his eyes. The obviously traumatised, terrified boy didn't wish to prosecute. I can understand why. I doubt I'd have had the strength or will to prosecute the man who sexually assaulted me when I was twelve. I get not being able to prosecute someone you want to never think about again--let alone be face to face with.

But the gay male twin presents this as a reason why the twins couldn't do anything to hold the rapist accountable. Why not? He raped both of them? If the younger child didn't want to be part of the case, that's up to him. But there are other assaults here to report: their own. But that never gets discussed beyond it being a story of gross exploitation and abuse of emotionally needy and terribly vulnerable queer kids. It does make a compelling argument for why it is gay male adolescents are more vulnerable to sexual assault by men that het ones. We are vulnerable to men who are out as gay or by men who are just interested in abusing young people regardless of gender. And lest we forget--and most males I know who are deeply concerned about the sexual abuse of boys often do--surrogate or biological father-daughter incest remains the most common form of child sexual abuse.

How do these assaults shape each of the twin's lives? The rapes, in this film, exist in a social-psychic vacuum. We are not to question whether there's any relationship between someone getting sexually assaulted and wanting to have their genitals removed. While this is a question we are not encouraged to ask, I'm going to answer it: I wanted to dissociate from my genitals after being sexually assaulted. I am asexual today because of that need for dissociation. I once very seriously contemplated having sex-reassignment surgery. Were it not for radical lesbian feminist understandings of assault and the aftermath, or were I to grow up, through my teens and twenties, now instead of when I did (at a time when radical lesbian feminist perspectives flourished and were regarded as wisdom not just as bigotry), I'd likely be out as transsexual instead of out as pro-radical feminist. It wasn't just that I dis-identified with my male genitals. I also identified more with women's genitals in some ways.

A woman--someone who grew up as a girl--once called me out on the misogyny of me fantasizing about having female genitals. From my mid-teen years on, I fantasized about having a vulva and vagina, and of being able to possibly seduce teen het guys and later het men, to have sex with me: PIV sex, as it is sometimes termed online. Penis-in-vagina. I wanted that. I never really desired anal intercourse with men. What I wanted was for men to penetrate me vaginally.

But a few years ago, one woman dared to speak up about how this was typical of men (or, in my case, an intergender male): to appropriate and fantasize about having parts of women's bodies as if they aren't parts of women's bodies. As if the parts all belong to men or to males, to try on, to violate, to appropriate, to exploit, to fantasize about, and, when possible, to rent or to purchase and possess. To do whatever with, other than respecting that female genitals are parts of women's bodies which are whole, part of a girl-to-woman's physical-psychic-emotional-social-political-spiritual being, not a collection of fetishised parts as if from some pornographic Ms. Potato-Head game.

It's funny (although not ha-ha funny) how, even while intergender and allied with women politically, I never fantasized about menstrual cramps, missed periods, or the dangers of contracting HPV (in terms of being more likely to develop cervical cancer), or the problems of endometriosis or ovarian cysts. No, I got to pick and choose which aspects of "having a female body" would most meet my needs, my very male supremacist needs. I also wanted to be able to breast-feed a baby, but not worry about breast cancer.

I want to publicly thank that radical feminist woman for calling me out. I doubt she's welcome me to tell you her name. But if she's reading this, she surely knows I'm acknowledging her act of truth-telling to me and for demonstrating what solidarity with girls and women sounds like.

To indulge the kinds of fantasies I was having, without considering what that said about my own male supremacist understandings of women's bodies, was grossly misogynistic of me.

We don't get to talk about such things in Queer community, in my experience. The dudes don't really want to talk about our male supremacist entitlements to appropriate and misuse representations of women, including in fantasy, in stage performance, as well as directly using and abusing actual women.

We who are male also don't generally want to discuss being molested and raped by men; not that women love doing so--but women have broken down the barriers to being able to discuss sexual violence and abuse against girls and women. I believe one function of gay and bi (and, of course, HET) males not readily discussing how abused some of us were by men is that we want to protect the rights of men to be abusive to everyone else, including to children.

No one is allowed, currently, to question why it is someone who is a survivor of sexual trauma and violation might dissociate from their own bodies--especially the aspects of our bodies associated most with "sex"--which is what the predators and assaulters always believe they're having. How does being sexually abused, when the victim is male, combine with male privileges and entitlements to use women? Is this not one of many elephants in the room of the movie?

So of course white- and male-dominated Queer and non-Queer film festivals are heralding Red Without Blue as an unproblematic cinematic and social success story. Because dominant Queer political agendas can only exist in their liberal ways if they are white and male supremacist. And classist as hell. And not held to account for any of it. Just because a movie reveals some of the emotional complexities we face as trans and intergender people, or as queer people who are neither, doesn't make it painfully honest enough if the oppressive power and entitlements exercised by characters in a film are rendered completely invisible.

To all my Queer sibs:
Please call out the classism, the racism, and the misogyny (including the anti-lesbian misogyny), of the rampant white and male supremacy, and of the denial of what child sexual assault and gross emotional neglect does to us, including in Queer and Trans communities. It is emotionally neglectful of the most silenced among us to support each other going to the dominant industries and institutions that were designed to harm us--such as the Academy, the military, prostitution, pornography, psychiatry, and surgery, without noting how each will seek to disallow radical, revolutionary interrogations and challenges to society and one another, and how each exist to maintain the heterosexist, gynocidal, and genocidal status quo.

From what I find in correspondence with non-queer women and with trans and queer people without many privileges: queer and trans people who are living in poverty; people who are working class or who are not living with "First World" protections from government warfare; people of color who are not living with white protections from prison and police brutality; people who are marginalised, ostracised, abused and neglected not just inside dominant English-speaking white society, but within one's society of origin; and girls and woman globally across class, region, ethnicity, and race who are targeted for abuses specific to that class of people.

What I find is that the less privileged among us can't afford to pay the price of our too often willful ignorance of our own abuses of power and support of systems of harm and atrocity that the main characters in Red Without Blue demonstrate. The twins in this movie will never have to encounter the systematic abuses and forms of neglect (such as not being regarded as human or socially existent due to one's skin color or ethnic heritage) up-close and personal, let alone as members of a religious, regional, political, or ethnic group, as people of color do, as Jews do, as Muslims do, and as Indigenous people and women of all colors and sexualities do.

The people in this movie do go about living their very classist lives: they discover "who they are" as they move around from North America to Europe and back again as they please, or by jumping across the U.S. to live in NYC or San Francisco because of course "people" can just do that to improve their education or enhance their sense of "being in the world" that is "ours".

Not just any people: only class- and region-privileged ones, folks. And those of us who are part of a those privileged communities need to ask ourselves: with that kind of privilege, to move into other people's places with the assumption that we get to try out belonging and possibly staying wherever we decide to go--a privilege not afforded most poor people of color who don't speak English as a first language, and not afforded most immigrants of color in the white West either--what do we also assume can be ours for the taking or ours to inhabit indefinitely? How about parts of women's bodies as well as their identities?

"Woman" is a political category born of patriarchally atrocious actions committed day by day and night by night against people who live in female bodies from birth to death. Some of those women's bodies are intersex, surgically altered in infancy or childhood or later to "appear" more female. The intersex activists I know vehemently object to surgical interventions to make intersex people fit the oppressive gender binary.

I am calling on those of us who are intergender, intersex, and otherwise gender non-conforming, queer, or transgender, female, male, or neither, to stand in solidarity with women raised as girls in identifying their political identities as theirs. Because theirs is the identity of being girls-then-women who are never structurally privileged with male entitlements to take what they want and go where they want; theirs is the social identity that combines with a physical-political body for men to degrade and use as sexxx-things, nursemaids, housekeepers, and child rearers by thinking of them as parts not ever comprising a whole human being, beginning on day one and ending at the point of cremation or burial, if lucky or respected enough to be buried after death.

I am asking that we honor our sisters as we honor ourselves, in all our complexity, by working however we can, in alliance, to rid this world of male supremacist entitlements to disproportionately and specifically abuse and appropriate female human beings and coercively, shamingly, or violently rob them of their capacity to say "NO!" to accommodating anyone else's wishes, needs, or demands, or to name who they are as a specifically oppressed gendered group: girls and women.

We know the abusers, intimately, interpersonally, institutionally, and industrially are by and large, across the globe, wealthy men, white men, and non-queer men. Let us break all alliance and allegiance with those groups of men and any others who defend and protect misogyny, and stand instead with girls and women as they define themselves and as they continue to resist globalised racist patriarchal oppression.

*          *          *

Here are two places online to view the documentary in full:

http://www.logotv.com/video/misc/421930/red-without-blue-part-1-of-8.jhtml?id=1638533


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzO11m6WBPQ

From IMDb. Please click on the title to link back.

Awards forRed Without Blue (2007)

Athens International Film and Video Festival, Ohio, USA
YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)
2007 Won Documentary Film Award Brooke Sebold
Benita Sills
Todd Sills
Barcelona International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival
YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)
2007 Won Jury Award Best Documentary
Brooke Sebold
Benita Sills
Todd Sills
Chicago Gay and Lesbian International Film Festival
YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)
2007 Won Best Documentary Brooke Sebold
Dublin Gay & Lesbian Film Festival
YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)
2007 Won Audience Award Best Documentary
Brooke Sebold
Benita Sills
Todd Sills
Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival
YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)
2007 Won Jury Award Best Documentary
Brooke Sebold
Benita Sills
Todd Sills
Rhode Island International Film Festival
YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)
2007 Won Second Prize Alternative Spirit
Benita Sills
Brooke Sebold
Todd Sills
San Francisco International Lesbian & Gay Film Festival
YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)
2007 Won Documentary Award Brooke Sebold
Benita Sills
Todd Sills
Slamdance Film Festival
YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)
2007 Won Audience Award Best Documentary Feature
Brooke Sebold
Benita Sills
Todd Sills
Tampa International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival
YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)
2007 Won Jury Award Best Documentary
Brooke Sebold
Benita Sills
Todd Sills
Toronto Inside Out Lesbian and Gay Film and Video Festival
YearResultAwardCategory/Recipient(s)
2007 Won Audience Award Best Documentary
Brooke Sebold
Benita Sills
Todd Sills

Friday, December 3, 2010

Sara and Julian Discuss Trans/Feminist Issues, part 4: The Gender Binary, Medicine, Media, Capitalism, and other CRAP

image of three actors from Modern Family is from here
JR wrote:
"So, for me, this is part of the larger conversation about who defines as what, and why. Are the women who would have identified as trans now, but don't, because they came into radical non-trans lesbian feminist identity first, mean they are or are not transgender?"

Sara responded:
Technically, a butch woman, or basically anyone who has a presentation or behavior considered non-normative for their sex assigned at birth, is considered transgender. Wether they identify as such is something else.


Okay. I'm willing to go with that definition for the purposes of our conversation. And what that tells me is that there's virulent anti-feminist misogyny in transgender community, because that population of non-transsexual women: butch, lesbian, and gender non-conforming, are profoundly marginalised and stigmatised and silenced right now UNLESS they cater to a very individualistic and anti-radical ethic of "social change" and "accommodation and inclusivity of unexamined racist patriarchal practices" as the predominant value. I've been seeing this play out for decades, Sara: queer pro-"transgression" politic has been promoted by the least marginalised, most privileged queer people as a kind of "liberation", regardless of how regressive and anti-progressive it is, politically.

JR wrote:
"I've only recently even found out there WAS such a thing as "being intergender". I'd say I always was intergender, but I've only recently begun to identify as that. So what was I before I identified as intergender? Cis gender? I don't think so."


It depends if you give power to name yourself, or to society to do so. I say naming yourself retroactively isn't harmful. I could say I was always female. What does it hurt anyone? I'm not identifying that way for purposes of fraud or deceit, so no one.


I'm in agreement with retroactively naming ourselves. I think it is appropriate and accurate to say "I was always intergender", at least as soon as I socially registered what the politics of gender were. And I registered that consciously by the age of nine.

But, I'd like to add that I think it is a mistake to believe society doesn't also always name us, label us, and put us in boxes that are not easily escaped. As has been noted on some progressive blogs, the privileged believe we can name ourselves and ignore how society labels us, or, at least, "empower" ourselves to not pay attention to that labeling. Less privileged people do not have such an easy time of that, and if you know anyone who is not white, who is female, and who is poor, and ask them how successfully they can name themselves and cast off society's labels, I think you'll find that the less privileges we have, structurally, the more difficult it is to even find validation for who we know ourselves to be. That's why it is usually class-privileged, race-privileged, education-privileged, profession-privileged people who get to say "I am transsexual [or transgender] and I want you to call me by [this or that] pronoun." The Black non-transsexual women I know can't even get dominant society to acknowledge they are human, let alone consider calling them by a pronoun or name they prefer. The politics of accommodation and inclusivity needs to be carefully examined, as I see it, Sara. Because the politics are loaded up with white and male supremacist assumptions about who gets to be human and who doesn't.

I think our community has largely been negligent in addressing this issue. I'd be interested to know what you think about this.

JR wrote:
"This is very complicated stuff, and I see too many trans activists trying to pass off one way of experiencing being transgender or intergender--if and when that even gets mentioned, which it usually doesn't--as like every other trans/intergender person, and I think that's a kind of gross stereotyping and bigotry, or false unification around "what we present to the dominant society" that exists within our community that needs to be called out, interrogated, discussed, and hopefully resolved to some degree."


Sara responded:
I haven't seen this that much. Transsexual people are presented as THE standard, by the medico-legal establishment, not by transsexual people themselves. The experience of being transgender is widely acknowledged as varying extremely. Even the experience of being transsexual is presented this way more and more now, supplanting the medico-legal narrative that used to be necessary to secure treatment at clinics (pretend you're uber 1950s feminine straight, or you don't get hormones or surgery).


I agree with you about a very narrow segment of M2F transsexuals being presented by media to the general public as "the face" of transgender experience. From Renee Richards to the few guests on talk shows, we only get presented as being pro-femme, pro-heteropatriarchal M2F folks who want and say they need complete sex re-assignment surgery, but that's not the case with most transgender people I know. And the 1950s feminine straight model you mention being promoted by the medico-legal institutions are white and middle class without exception. I'm glad to know, from your experience, that the medical professionals are a bit less heteropatriarchal, but from what I can see, we still have a very long way to go!

JR wrote:

"I respect your opinion, Sara, as yours. But I simply do not agree that there is such a thing as "feminine body language" that is innate. At all. If we look at female children and girls across era and culture there is no aspect of "femininity" that shows up everywhere. Not one bodily characteristic, expressive aspect, or way of being. There's not even any agreement about what "feminine body language" is, cross-culturally and across era."

Sara responded:
Something becomes feminine because female people, on average, do it. So yes, it will vary across culture with "what's in" and "what's out". Wearing Victorian-style dresses is not too in right now, but it was 150 years ago. It was a sign of feminity then.


As for bodily characteristics? Well, in Haiti, women are considered more feminine if they have a plump derriere. In the US, not so much. Yet it's a norm of feminity for each of those cultures, independantly. Men used to have long hair, or at worst, simulate their having long hair, using wigs.

In the U.S., Black women's buttocks are highly fetishised and objectified! What do you mean "not so much"?! "Baby's Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot was but one popular example of how "thing-ified" Black women are in the U.S. in media. Do you see how violently Black women are abused in pornography, and how women across race are abused anally, raped repeatedly, in pornography and prostitution? Haiti is a culture that has been repeated ravaged by white het male supremacist imperialism and colonialism. It was a country liberated by slaves, after all. How do you conclude the values there are or can be entirely free of white Western cultural values?

Some of your other examples, especially things like wigs and dresses, have nothing whatsoever to do with "nature" as Victorian dresses and wigs don't occur in nature and there's no way we're biologically wired to "respond" erotically to things like dresses and wigs. Would you agree with that? I'm concerned that you're conflating biology and culture as somehow tied to each other in a "natural" way. There's little to no indication that's the case, and in fact there's tons of evidence that Western heteropatriarchal culture overrides (and demolishes) nature and other cultures at every turn. Many Indigenous and non-Indigenous societies have had nothing like what Western Civilisation has presented as "naturally occurring sex differences". Shaved legs and shaved armpits for women? What's "natural" about that? Nothing at all. It's entirely cultural and politically "designed" to make female human beings appear to be "opposite" to hairy male human beings, who, after all, are not always hairy.

Sara wrote:
Milton Diamond's theory of sex identity says that someone will identify like peers of the sex they feel they belong to. They will generally self-normalize, based on their sense of who they are the most like, in terms of something I couldn't even name – but rarely having to do with clothes or manners.

But always having to do with politics, Sara. I see it, anyway. Because cultural norms and social peer pressure are both expressions of any given dominant society's sexual (and racial) politics. Even when the politics are egalitarian and communal not domineering and authoritarian.

Sara wrote:
For example, if everyone dressed androgynously, I could still recognize my membership in the category female, without being told so (it would just happen later than it does for children now). Both parents and children are insecure about being viewed (or their children being viewed) as the other sex, starting at a certain age.

Only in societies that have a rigid gender binary. If the gender binary is at all natural (as you argue), why do you suppose is it that less industrialised societies have made more room for a third gender than have post-industrial ones?

Sara wrote:
That's why toddler and small child clothes are all so dichotomous (all pink and glittery, or all blue and with 0 frills), just go see a store for small children and see the colors. Now go see an adult women clothes store, and notice it's not so pink anymore – people then got secondary sex characteristics vouching for their sex.


Sara, I'm really perplexed by this. You seem to be discounting racist patriarchal capitalism as not having any influence on us at all. Children are made to wear pink and blue in societies where pink is associated with being a girl and blue with being a boy. That's far from universal, and it's a relatively recent occurrence in human cultural history. Capitalism sells binary bigotry. Capitalism sells the objectification and commodification of children, including of how children are gendered and raced. That's what advertising is in the business of doing, as well as selling us cardiovascular disease and diabetes-inducing edibles in place of healthy food and pornography in place of sex. CRAP profits mightily from doing it so well.

A great blog that exposes this CRAP regularly is "Sociological Images". Check it out, if you haven't yet, for an over-abundance of examples of exactly how racist heteropatriarchal capitalism does this. You seem to be putting forth a very social-psychological theory of why it is parents and children are insecure about children's "gender". One approach to answering that question would be to look to see who profits most from there being this kind of gendering of children at all. Commercial industries profit. Corporate pimps profit. Traffickers and slavers profit. To pretend that our very dominant society's pink-is-for-girls/blue-is-for-boys anti-ethic would exist beyond misogynistic-racist-heterosexist capitalism is untenable, to me. That's why so many radical queers are anti-capitalist. Are you familiar with BashBack? Let me know what you think of their work, if you don't mind.

If we weren't sold the gender binary, we wouldn't be buying it. Do you agree? The medical and psychiatric and pharmaceutical establishments also profits mightily from this fucked up notion of a rigid gender binary that is a hierarchy. That's why "androgyny" isn't marketed or promoted in pornography. Because industries need there to be something oppositional to package, to sell, to partly disguise the fact that it takes a great deal of brutality to produce a culture like the dominant one we live in. Have you read this book, which gets at aspects of this?

http://www.amazon.com/Empire-Illusion-Literacy-Triumph-Spectacle/dp/1568584377

He's someone who has been listening to radical feminists. And we are better off for it. Derrick Jensen is another person who has benefitted personally and politically from studying radical feminists. His work is terribly important. Do you know him? I recommend reading A Language Older Than Words, The Culture of Make-Believe, and Endgame, volume one and volume two. I don't see how we can be responsible to one another, globally, if we refuse to engage with the world of suffering and survival. Queer politics is often very myopic, very self-concerned. And self-regard is an important value, to be sure. But political activism requires coalition work. And those of us who are white and Global Northern/Western are morally obligated to know how our actions and inactions are impacting people in the Global South and East. I don't see liberals being willing to really engage with radical activists the world over. Why do you think that is? I think it's to protect our political position and status, our privileges, our entitlements, and our quality of life, built on the death and destruction of everyone and everything else.

Radical feminists have been "unpacking" this stuff for decades. If they are stigmatised as only being "unfriendly" or "unwelcoming" how are we to make use of their theories and insights? Do we hold male-men who are theorists to a standard of having to be accepting, accommodating, and friendly? Was Marx a friendly guy? Are pro-corporate capitalist theorists accommodating and accepting of genderqueer realities and people? Not the last time I checked.

Why do you believe there so little education in or ranks about what these radical feminists have been discussing for at least forty years? The Cancer Journals by Audre Lorde gets deeply into the medical-industrial politics of manufacturing fake breasts. Why aren't we discussing that, do you think? Whose interests are served by promoting the idea that manufactured, mass-produced, bought-and-sold chest implants are authentically human? Lorde rejected the offer, the pressure to be fitted for a fake breast after having a mastectomy. Why should society refuse to deal with the reality that some women have one or no breasts due to cancer, among other things.

Sara wrote:
“In most societies where there is a hierarchical gender binary, it is usually, but not always the case that there are things called "feminine" and "masculine". Again, people tend to get really sloppy about this stuff. “

I think it's more intra-hierarchical than inter-hierarchical. That is, women have a hierarchy, men have a hierarchy. Those at the top of both hierarchies are considered the most attractive. Ordinary men are considered the least attractive.


I think there might be men vs women hierarchies in certain countries, maybe most, but I think Canada and the liberal non-religious US have mostly stabilized it to be more or less equivalent (even if not ideal). As in, having advantages and disadvantages on both sides that end up having value that's not completely out of whack with each other – though there are still many things to fix, there happens to be some on the men's side, too.


I feel right now like we are living in very different worlds. And maybe we are. In this country, unattractive older men are frequently paired up with media-appealing younger women. Take, for example, a current hit show, Modern Family. Do you see anything grossly racist, ageist, misogynistic, white male supremacist, and heterosexist about the image that opens this post? The woman on the left is the central man-figure's spouse. She's at least half his age. She's Latina. He's VERY white and not "attractive" as Hollywood, Madison Avenue, and pornographers define such things. Why do young women end up with men like HIM so often in dominant media productions? This is a fictional narrative after all. Do you think there's anything natural about that occurring? Surely he's not a good catch due to his gene pool.

How about all the women and girls Jack Nicholson gets to "date"? That's just Hollywood. How about the fact that unattractive men get to rent and purchase women and girls they "select" from around the world? How egalitarian is that? How does that reality, of 12 million sexual slaves, bring us even remotely close to anything humane or just in society? Do you see these as social problems that need to be addressed through sustained activism? What does your queer society offer as a way to end rape, trafficking, and slavery?

JR wrote:
“So while I'm eager to learn more about what you experienced as a child, and what you experience now, I'm not supporting any notion of something called "innate femininity". I don't see it. To even "mark" something as "feminine" is to engage in a very social-political act. There's nothing "inborn" about ascribing meaning and value to sets of behaviors, or to clustering them into one thing called "being feminine". That's all socially done, in the view of the blog. “

Sara responded:
It has to do with behaviors women already do, and an ideal that society as a whole (meaning men and women) set as 'better'. Same for masculine and men. Except that once something becomes acceptable for women, it becomes no way to prove one's masculinity, it becomes neutral. If the social climate had changed to set skirts, dresses and heels as unisex, the way it set shirts, pants and suits as unisex, people would have less ways to prove their membership into either sex (which makes people insecure). People in general don't wear gender-norm clothing just to be accepted as normal, they do so to be accepted as their sex, too.


I just feel like your analysis really leaves out so much, Sara. Like endemic rape, for example. Like sexual slavery, trafficking, and prostitution, all of which require these social standards to thrive. I feel like you're focusing in on one small aspect of gender at the exclusion of all the atrocities, almost pretending the atrocities don't exist. Do you know First Nations women who are being pimped right now on Vancouver streets? Does their experience register for you as human and worth paying attention to? What about the fact that one in three American Indian women will be raped in her lifetime, usually by a white man? What about battery of women by men? What about street harassment? What about marital rape and date rape?

To tune those realities out is to be left with the kind of analysis you offer here. That's how I see it. We can respectfully disagree, I guess, but I can't neglect to mention that there's a lot of social reality you're ignoring to come up with the theories you are proposing here.