Thursday, November 5, 2009

A Pop Quiz on Dishonesty, Deception, and Trickery Among Heterosexually Active Men

[this image is from many places, including here]


This is a quiz. How many of the following questions or statements demonstrate heterosexually active men (HAMs) being honest? And how many demonstrate HAMs being respectful and caring of women? (There might be overlap. You'll see.) I seriously wonder how many HAMs out there ask women these questions or make these particular statements, in some clear, verbally direct form, before engaging in sexual activity. I am recommending all HAMs ask the caring questions and make the respectful comments, and disregard the rest, unless you are prepared to say and commit to what's said in the last item on the list.

1. I need to let you to know what my history is with abusing women or being disrespectful to women? I feel obligated to tell you. For one thing, I like using women as prostitutes, and after we have sex, I might want to slip you some cash, because it makes me feel more in control.

2. I'm going to now tell you what my habits are with regard to using pornography, with having 24/7 visual access to incested, raped, and pimped women. [Tell her your hourly use per week.] I want you to know, before we have sex, that I may be influenced by that pornography of raped women in how and what I want from you sexually. And I think it's important you know that I access these websites without any concern at all for the raped woman on the screen. She is just a thing to me. A visual thing I use to get off.

3. What is your history with men abusing or mistreating you, including sexually? Have any of the men you've been with in the past (if any) treated you with great respect and dignity, always honoring your boundaries, never trying to push beyond them?

4. I believe that women and men "play games" and that sometimes when a woman says "No" she really means Yes.

5. If you are a survivor of incest, child molestation, or rape, I'd prefer not to be sexual until I know much more about that history and how it has impacted you, emotionally and sexually. I'd like to know if you feel safe and at ease setting boundaries with men during sex.

6. I generally assume that once a woman starts making out with me that she wants to go all the way. So if you and I start kissing, I just want you to know I'm going to do my best to fuck you.

7. I think women are all wh*res deep down. Even the nice girls. I think you all are sl*ts. Years of living in this world has taught me that. And my dad used to say it a lot. And a lot of my male friends say it and think it too, so I know it's not just me. So, uh, basically I just want you to know that I don't really have much respect for you as a human being.

8. I think false rape charges are far more common than actual rapes.

9. I'm really tired of women bringing up past "traumatic events" as "an excuse" to not have sex with me. I'm really sick of that shit. So don't pull that on me or I'll be really pissed off.

10. I think of intercourse as "sex". And I love doing it in the ass. And I love getting head but am not into going down on you orally. And I'm not into wearing condoms because they affect the dull the feeling, you know? And they make my dick feel like it's being strangled. So no condoms for me. I'm assuming you've got all the protection you need to make sure you don't get knocked up, right? Because I don't want you coming after me in ten months with some claim that I owe you child support. That's happened one too many times to me already!

11. Given most of the disrespectful and uncaring stuff I've said above, do you still want to have sex with me? And if so, I decline, because I don't have sex with women who would want to have sex with a pro-rape, woman-hating asshole like me.



v said...

This was a very clever quiz. Thank the goddess I never had to deal with sex with men! Wow, was I lucky to have been a born lesbian or what!!

This quiz would be good to be widely posted for all women to see, so that they can ask these kinds of questions. Just to see the looks on those men's faces would be worth a candid camera moment don't you think?

anonymouse said...

I'm interested to know, are you saying that you equate all prostitution and pornography with rape?

If so, why?

Julian Real said...

Hi anonymouse,

I'm interested to know, are you saying that you equate all prostitution and pornography with rape?

No. Not quite. And thanks for asking me to clarify this point.

Each form of sexual exploitation has it's own dynamics, its own ties to capitalist patriarchy and white supremacy in somewhat different ways. It is largely the case that pornography is "prostitution on camera". It is overwhelmingly the case that girls and women who are coaxed or coerced or forced into prostitution and pornography are survivors of sexual violence of one form or another, usually as children.

So when men look at these images, what they are seeing is the consequence of rape, pimping, and the greed of pornographers. And this ought not be "a turn on", as far as I'm concerned. And that it is a turn on for heterosexual men only means they have been so dehumanised that they can't see a degraded, dispossessed, exploited human being when she's staring them in the face. Not that he's ever looking at her eyes, mind you.

Julian Real said...

Also to anonymouse,

Prostitution has various forces that propel it. Men's desire, will, and ability to use women as sexxx objects being chief among them.

But in rich countries, like the U.S. there are many more forms of it than in poor countries. And so we'd better know about how prostitution functions in any society, what its parameters are, the extent to which economic impoverishment is the driving force, along with the one mentioned above.

There are people here in the U.S. who argue prostitution is "liberating" which to me shows a great and committed callousness to knowing how prostitution functions worldwide, and even here, in the U.S., for most women and girls.


Whilst all prostitution and pornography does not directly equate with rape - all prostitution and pornography enforces this - that certain human beings: women and girls being the majority of course - are dehumanised creatures whose sole role is to be men's and boys' masturbatory objects.

Because according to the great white male - human beings are all male and furthermore only certain males are fully human, whereas others depending on their class, sexual identity, race, ethnicity, ableness/disableness are accorded an inferior position to the 'great white male.'

But even within these categories women and girls are accorded a far lesser position because despite their race, class, sexual identity, ethnicity, ableness/disableness all women share one biological aspect and that is they are all born female - not male.

Quite right the dynamics of how and why prostitution is a global issue varies according to differing societies and cultures but the main aspect remains the same. Namely innumerable women and girls must be made available for men and boys to masturbate into or on their bodies.

Female poverty is one reason for prostitution but eliminating poverty does not eliminate prostitution or pornography, because once again prostitution and pornography flourishes because men demand it and boys learn that pornography reinforces what they are taught - that being a 'real man' means adhering to and internalising the misogynistic belief that men because they are biologically male automatically accords them a higher value and respect than any human who is born female.

So because men as a group have been accorded social and economic power for centuries any challenge to their power is viewed as 'man-hating' and a violation of men's sex rights. Challenging male power is very difficult because it is commonly invisible and accepted rather than challenged or critiqued.

I have yet to read or hear of innumerable women demanding male prostitutes be made available for them to rape and/or commit sexual violence against and one reason is because our society is male-dominated and male-controlled. Also, women have been taught for centuries now their 'role' is to support men, wherein it is women's duty to provide emotional, physical and sexual caregiving to the male.

Until such time as women as a group are not only acknowledged but accorded full human status then the usual excuses/denials will continue in respect of prostitution and pornography.

Because only men are human this explains why so many cannot view women and girls as human but instead are viewed as 'dehumanised sexualised commodities.' We have to thank capitalism for globalising prostitution and ensuring the innumerable male tourists who travel to developing countries in order to rape and commit sexual violence against women and girls. But such male violence is not 'male violence' it is supposedly 'sex tourism' so that makes it acceptable.

Julian Real said...

Thank you for that, Jennifer.

Among the top ten fucked up euphemisms for atrocity, one would have to be "sex tourism".

(And some women are born with AIS, which can mean they are "male" chromosomally, at least.)

For more on what Jennifer is saying, I recommend reading two books by Sheila Jeffreys:

The Idea of Prostitution and
The Industrial Vagina.