Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Everyday Male Chauvinism. Men: do you see what's wrong with this picture?

[above is an example of sexism that ISN'T interpersonal, but is rather institutionalised. It is from here]

A couple of days ago, I just found out about this written material on men's interpersonal sexism.

What follows is a PDF document titled "Everyday Male Chauvinism" and it was written by two men. If the link doesn't work, try copying and pasting the link into your browser's URL bar.

***18 Oct. 2010 update: please use this website as the one to access the PDF:
http://stop-ferfieroszak.hu/en/everyday-male-chauvinism

Thank you. -- Julian

***30 Dec. 2009 update: Arghhh! The 30 Nov. link doesn't work either, but fortunately an internet friend and feminist colleague, Milla, has sent me some ways to access this important work. THANK YOU, MILLA!!!!! <3 (You can see her complete comment below this post and several earlier comments.) I've also put the first link that follows in my list of important webpages/websites on the far right of this blog, down a ways, titled "Everyday Male Chauvinism". Just now appears some of Milla's comment to me with the ACTIVE links!!! Fingers crossed.***

hello Julian,


i've noticed that the html-link isn't working either. and i really want to share this text so i copied it to my blog:


http://sosiaalikeskus.wordpress.com/read-this/about/everyday-male-chauvinism/


the link is currently only visible in this post, should find some nice place for it:
http://sosiaalikeskus.wordpress.com/2009/12/30/looking-4-romance-everyday-male-chauvinism/
[scroll down on that webpage for the link titled "everyday male chauvinism"-- Julian]


[This is no longer the case: ***30 Nov. 2009 update: it was brought to my attention that the link I had to the pdf file no longer works, so I'm linking here to an HTML version of "Everyday Male Chauvinism" and if anyone finds a working link to the pdf file, sent it right along and I'll post it here as well. Here's the HTML version.***]


Let me know what you think of it. I don't know either of the authors. But depending on what you write to me, I may contact them.


Thanks.


Julian

15 comments:

berryblade said...

Thanks for the link, I'll let you know what I think when I've given it a good read.

Julian Real said...

Hi berryblade,

I look forward to reading your review and critique. Be as brief or lengthy as you wish.

Anonymous said...

The man described in that pdf sounds like a sociopath (or, at the very least, a narcissist). While certainly men like this exist (I know at least 2) any attempt to generalize that description to include all men would be blatantly sexist.

Anonymous said...

I think that although a modern relationship in the U.S. does not have some of these elements, most of what is listed as everyday male chauvinism is absolutely true. I also believe, based on my own experience, that there are other, possibly more recent (?) ways of control that are not mentioned in this work. For example, most men I know, and in fact my own husband, allows his moods to control the entire household. If he's miserable, everyone else has to become miserable too. Then once his miserable mood is "transfered," he cheers up and then swoops in like some kind of savior and does something to elevate everyone back up (like dishing up ice cream). This then gives him renewed status as the "good guy," or something. I don't know, I'm no scholar but I notice shit like that and it pisses me off.

Julian Real said...

Yes Anonymous,

I agree with you. It's one of many cycles of men's violence in the home. And such men need to be kicked to the curb.

The harm of growing up with that dynamic, of fearing daddy, of fearing hubby, and learning how to behave in such ways to not "provoke" him, means being oppressed.

And men say WOMEN are moody! Please!

Anonymous said...

Nobody in the house fears him as such. He just has the ability to bring everybody down, and you're absolutely right, its oppressive. But its one of those things that is male privilege masked as something else. Just a bad mood, right? I absolutely acknowledge its a form of abuse, because when I'm in a bad mood, I don't take it out on anyone else. Because I don't hold my loved ones responsible for my happiness.

Julian Real said...

Dear Anonymous,

I strongly recommend that the next time he tries that form of oppressive manipulation, to get attention in a grossly passive-aggressive way, to dominate space and people, that he be told "Take your miserable mood somewhere else. It's not welcome here. I find it oppressive and annoying. And if you're in such a foul mood, surely you can go somewhere else to experience it, rather than inflicting it on your family. Come back when you are able to be kind, considerate, and warm towards me."

As you well note, everything men do in the home is "just a mood". His violence and abusiveness and manipulations, all "just a mood". Whereas when women display "moods" they get made fun of by men, or hear misogynistic comments about their periods, or menopause. Women's moods are attached to their biology. Men's moods are just an entitlement. A right. Something to be worked around. Something to attend to, in some fashion. And do husbands really attend to heterosexual women's feelings? Not in my experience, with a few notable exceptions.

I am so sorry you are having to live with that. My wish for you is a relationship where your spouse brings joy to you, not gloom.

Are there children in the home as well?

v said...

This article seems like a good description of almost all men I know. In the outside world, one can avoid them. I often feel sorry for women who ever live with men, they shouldn't ever bother with them.

Men exploit women in all these same ways in offices, but I found the description of male silence fascinating; I just assume they are dumb, and disrupt this tactic now and then with "Hey, you're pretty stupid aren't you!" They get out of silence quickly if you call men dumb to their faces. This counter attack was an accidental discovery. I didn't realize it was a universal oppressive male tactic.

The answer again, is for all women to refuse ever to live with men as soon as they are able to be self-supporting, just don't get involved with men, get a good education, decent work, and ignore the oppressors. Be ready to defend your home, and even up the power dynamics by taking a giant dog to the park. When strange men come up to you, you can always say, "Oh my dog is very aggressive and bites men he doesn't trust, it looks like my dog is ready to bite." Gets creepy men to leave me alone in public, puts them into a fearful state, evens up the power differential nicely.

I agree that many women don't see the tactics of men as clearly as I do, because again, I don't live with them and have very minimal work contact with men, and concentrate on doing business only with women.

I try to pretend that men don't exist most of the time, and as the years go by, my life has improved dramatically, and I keep making really good women friends.

Men, well, we could ship they off to an island for long term anti-sexist training, a kind of bootcamp to teach them not to act like this. I think this mandatory training should be everywhere. Is anyone doing something like this?

Julian Real said...

Hi v,

Yes, actually! And I wish it were done in more places. And I'd love to hear from anyone in Denmark about there own lived experiences with this, as a rape survivor, for example, or as a woman who was battered by a man: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3036450.stm

smally lerned said...

The link in the post seems broken for me.

If anyone else has trouble with it, you can try Google's cached html version.

Julian Real said...

Hi smally lerned,

Within the original post, above, I re-linked to the booklet, in its HTML coded version. I tried clicking on the link you posted in your comment, but on my end there was a virus warning. So I believe what I have now linked to within the post both gets the viewer to the writing, and is also safe.

And thank you so much for alerting me to this, and for sending an alternate link.

I appreciate it a lot.

milla said...

hello Julian,

i've noticed that the html-link isn't working either. and i really want to share this text so i copied it to my blog:

http://sosiaalikeskus.wordpress.com/read-this/about/everyday-male-chauvinism/

the link is currently only visible in this post, should find some nice place for it:
http://sosiaalikeskus.wordpress.com/2009/12/30/looking-4-romance-everyday-male-chauvinism/

and: have you heard anything from the men's group i budapest? (i'm wondering if they are just going to ignore us forever and ever..) weird.

<3 milla (yes, still sober, so feel free to contact me)

Julian Real said...

Thanks for that, Milla!

And congrats on staying sober. I'll check in with you soon. I've heard nothing from the budapest boys, surprise, surprise! They have more important things to do, like practicing sexism when they preach antisexism, and like not being accountable when they preach... oh wait, they probably preach not being accountable too!! Most profeminist men don't want to be accountable to feminist women, in my experience.

I've placed a portion of what you just sent me, with working links, into the main post. I appreciate that. The material is too important to not have readily available for those who wish to, and need to, read it.

Jessica "Wolverine" Metaneira said...

'even up the power dynamics by taking a giant dog to the park. When strange men come up to you, you can always say, "Oh my dog is very aggressive and bites men he doesn't trust, it looks like my dog is ready to bite." Gets creepy men to leave me alone in public, puts them into a fearful state, evens up the power differential nicely.'

- Good one. Yet another reason why I want an Alsatian dog of my own!!

Julian Real said...

How outrageous is it that it takes having a dangerous--or seemingly dangerous--dog with you to get creepy men to stay the fuck away. Grrrr. (That's a human growl.) But if dudes want to take it as a dangerous dog's growl, by all means...